Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

[lilliep]

Hi Sally

Glad to hear you are doing well. Such a shame your new date took you to the same place but maybe it showed you aren’t ready for dating just yet xx

I’m not doing so well. Since he told me he only loved me as a friend right now it’s like that’s given him permission to be even more uncommunicative, haven’t chatted on Skype for over a week now. I’ve seen him every weekend since September but this weekend I decided not to offer lunch to see if he would. My suspicions were proved and he’s been ignoring all my light chatty messages since Thursday. So I think that’s me done. I’m fed up of fighting to be anything in his life. I guess he could be ill or in some sort of trouble but that’s just making excuses for him. Truth be told he’s actually not a nice person and certainly not the one I loved.

Ariana how are you feeling today?

Take care everyone

Lillie xx

[ariane]

I messaged him last night.
I was very upset and shaken all afternoon about the altercation at work and he always has a way of calming me down. I told him I thought long and hard but that I needed him. I explained what happened and how it affected me. I received no responses...
He had told me previously if at any stage I needed to talk to text him and that he’d be there for me... he obviously isn’t right now

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

I’m so sorry. These men play with our emotions and it’s wrong. Depression doesn’t give them an excuse to treat us so badly. I’ve really given up now, candle of hope properly snuffed out. Like you I see him a message yesterday saying I had a stressful day with my parents, normally he would get back to me and ask if I was OK but just silence this time. I’m trying not to waste time worrying about him but I know he drinks way too much and his friends sometimes take drugs. He’s been so drunk once he was robbed of his wallet at the club and never realised until he woke up the next day. Guess who got the frantic call asking for help that time!

We need to look after ourselves Ariane, it will be tough but it will be for the best.

Sending hugs

Lillie xxx

[sallyc]

Thanks Lillie. Yes you're right, I'm not ready. At the moment I'm just concentrating on my children as my middle child has his GCSE's next month.

I'm truly sorry that you and Ariane are going through this heartache again. My heart goes out to you both. Depression is not an excuse to treat others like they don't matter and what theyre doing to you two is very cruel. They are being extremely selfish. By the end of my relationship I was going through a really hard time with my 16 year old son, he was actually threatening suicide. My ex ended things with me right in the middle of this. Truly goes to show how selfish he was. Time has given me this perspective as at the time I had him on a pedestal and would've done anything for him. How crazy is that! I know he'll regret it but even though I love him, I couldn't take him back. Never thought I'd reach that decision.

You both have done everything you can to help them and I know that you still want to because of the depression. I think that you really do need to look after yourselves, you are much more important to you.

Unless they go for the help, I don't think that they will change and this cycle will carry on with you both getting dragged further down with them. It's not fair at all. Lillie, good for you being strong and not asking him to meet this weekend. He might realise that you're not at his beck and call anymore and it might knock some sense into him? It might not but that is his loss.

Keep strong ladies. You can do it xxxx

[arwen2018]

Hi Lillie, Ariane, Sally, James and all those who haven’t posted for a while.

I’m sorry Lillie and Ariane that things with your guys aren’t looking good, when we thought your situations were heading towards happy endings. Unfortunately if they don’t want to help themselves, no one can do it for them. It’s heartbreaking and hard but it comes to a point when enough is enough and we need to put ourselves first.

Just like Sally, I’ve taken a step back reading and posting about MH issues because I was going round in circles and not getting any answers. It was hindering my healing. I still think about my ex, I miss him, I feel sad we can’t be together and angry that this illness has robbed us of a future together. But the sadness and feeling of hurt is getting less and less. I’m in a much better place. I never thought I would be where I am now 2 weeks ago. I’m not ready to date yet. I’m taking my time to fill my cup back up. I want to work on my own issues. I want to get emotionally healthy so to attract someone who is equally emotionally healthy. I want to carry on doing the things I always wanted to do. Boy, I can tell you I have been having so much fun! My diary for the next 2 months is full!

Time for all of you to make yourself a priority. Make time for self-care, start a new hobby, reconnect with friends and family, make new friends, be happy. Who knows? Our ex’s might come back to us or they may not. But it won’t matter because we will be in a better place.

I wish you all peace xx

[sallyc]

Oh Arwen I'm so happy for you. I want to get where you are but I'm not there yet. I'll get there though I'm determined. xx

Hopefully we'll all look back at this nightmare and be stronger for it.

[lilliep]

Hi Arwen

I’m so pleased you are doing well. I don’t think it will take me long to get over him. We were together for four years but the past 8 months have sort of weaned me off him slowly. I would imagine he’s found someone else, I’m really not his type to be honest. He’s late nights drinking in nasty clubs and sleep all day and I love lazy brunch and getting out in the sunshine. That’s what I’m doing today, I’m at a streetfood fair trying lots of lovely food in the beautiful sunshine. He’s no doubt in bed with a serious hangover and probably has his useless mates sleeping all over his apartment. They would love to ‘fix him up’ with someone new, they never liked me.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. I used to get a fair bit of attention from other men even when I was with him, I am sure I can by myself. Just need to work on my self confidence because there is nothing like your ex lover telling you he no longer finds you attractive to knock that back a bit.

Take care everyone

Lillie xx

[james80]

Great to hear from you Arwen and Sally. I'm also taking time for myself Arwen. I think I've lost a bit of who I am.in the last few years so I'm going to have a relationship with myself for a while!

Great to hear you sounding positive lillie. You are going to be just fine x

[sallyc]

Glad to hear it Lillie. Yeah the self-confidence does get a big knock. I'm having to build mine back up slowly.

James, Thank you. It's good to hear that you're also in a better place. xx

[ariane]

Nice to hear everyone feels better

I am really really low. I considered contacting his friends again but I don’t want to be a nuisance.
My friend asked would I go over and check on him. I “joked” that I would have to go on a pub crawl to find him. It’s not funny especially as it’s probably true.

I feel exhausted, haven’t eaten properly in the last few days, I am not able to.

It’s only a week ago since I was with him