[I've suffered abuse and trauma all my life from when I was a baby until now, I'm now 41 years old. I am currently seeking trauma counselling but anyone who understands this, it's hard and exhausting. I had all my three beautiful children at home until one became influenced by his father and started to abuse me too. My heart broke the day my son left, that was two years ago and I've been grieving ever since. I now have my two daughters but that's up and down with a similar type of behaviour, very much influenced by their father. 11 years ago we divorced and yet still to this day the police are called because of his behaviour. He will never let me go until I have nothing left and my children hate me. I have no contact with this man and he still manages to have complete control of my life.
I lay in the and sometimes just want to slip under the water, I don't live I just exist in this world. I don't have family, a mum or dad, i don't have friends.
Now my ex husband enters the village where I am often, I'm not safe anywhere anymore. I want to make the decision to move to my favourite place Scotland, but I'm scared of making that decision. My daughters have told me if I make that decision they'll leave but if I stay here in North Yorkshire any longer I'm afraid of what I might do. I'm tired, I'm tired of the pain I feel each day.