Looking for somebody who understands how I feel

[freespirit79]

[I've suffered abuse and trauma all my life from when I was a baby until now, I'm now 41 years old. I am currently seeking trauma counselling but anyone who understands this, it's hard and exhausting. I had all my three beautiful children at home until one became influenced by his father and started to abuse me too. My heart broke the day my son left, that was two years ago and I've been grieving ever since. I now have my two daughters but that's up and down with a similar type of behaviour, very much influenced by their father. 11 years ago we divorced and yet still to this day the police are called because of his behaviour. He will never let me go until I have nothing left and my children hate me. I have no contact with this man and he still manages to have complete control of my life.
I lay in the and sometimes just want to slip under the water, I don't live I just exist in this world. I don't have family, a mum or dad, i don't have friends.
Now my ex husband enters the village where I am often, I'm not safe anywhere anymore. I want to make the decision to move to my favourite place Scotland, but I'm scared of making that decision. My daughters have told me if I make that decision they'll leave but if I stay here in North Yorkshire any longer I'm afraid of what I might do. I'm tired, I'm tired of the pain I feel each day.

[heretochat]

Hi freespirit79

Welcome to the site, I hope you find it helpful here. I can't say I understand how you feel as I've not been in your situation with children etc but I do understand how it feels to just be existing in this world. I'm sorry to hear about your three children, it must be very hard to cope with and especially to have your son be influenced by his father and then start to abuse you. Hopefully one day your children will come to realise how bad a person their father is and hopefully then you can have a good relationship with your children. If you want to move to your favourite place - Scotland, then that is something you should think about doing, especially if living where you are now, you are afraid of what you might do. I hope things will get better for you, people do care, I care about the pain you are feeling and do hope things improve soon. Take care x

[c.j.]

Can you not get a restraining order?

[freespirit79]

Thankyou for your replies.
Not enough evidence, his very clever.
I've been to solicitors before to help, they've put things in place but he still ignores them. They started the process through cafcas s for official contact. First thing was court mediation which he refused, the solicitor said my next option is court but warned me it's a nasty process and if I'm emotionally and mentally struggling now I won't survive that process.
So I honestly feel like I have nobody to help me or any options left.

[heretochat]

Hello

It all sounds very stressful what you are going through and I do agree that if you are mentally struggling at the moment then going through the court process isn't going to help with that. I think for now the trauma counselling is what you need to be focusing on as that sounds exhausting enough on its own without more added pressure too. Hopefully as time goes on other things will start to work out but for now you need to be concentrating on you and taking each day at time. Hopefully talking on here will be of help to you and I am always happy to reply

[c.j.]

What does he do for you to call the police?

[freespirit79]

He was physically violent a couple of weeks.
Then this week he somehow convinced my daughters to think it was ok to sneak out of our home without my knowledge to go meet him in the village where I live and he was planning to take them out I believe.
Obviously between being scared he was here where I live, having my daughters sneaking around and the thought of not knowing where they could of been, i was terrified. Fortunately I caught one leaving the house and found out the whole plan, the thing is his allowed contact and all he has to do is put the date and time in an email, simple as that so it's recorded for legal reasons. But no we have to go through all this again and again. So the whole weekend I had my daughters being disruptive and blaming me.

[c.j.]

Did you report the attack? How old are your daughters?

I would report the fact that he didn't follow the legal process this time and document everything.

[heretochat]

I was going to ask the same as c.j. how old are your daughters? Of course you will be scared knowing he was there where you live and the fact that he convinced your daughters to sneak out of your home. Sorry to hear about your daughters being disruptive and blaming you, try and take some time just for yourself and take care

[freespirit79]

Yes the attack was reported, the police attended and even this incident at the weekend but nothing stops him. Its been 11 years and I'm still here. He managed to get my son, he did have my daughter but she came back, i grieve for my son everyday because it feels like I've truly lost him and it hurts so much, sometimes the pain is too much. His even said he will have all the children and I truly believe his not going to stop until that happens and his turned all the away from me and I'm completely broken. I just want to find somewhere happy in the corner of the country where nobody can find me, but nobody seems to understand. I just want to be able to sleep without nightmares, breathe and be happy.