my self-esteem has always been crap and I'm now at rock-bottom.
My job disappeared when COVID hit - I'm extremely lucky that I still have a job and work from home but I have no role anymore so I add no value. My mental health is awful and my manager is doing her best to protect me from being put into a post that will tip me over the edge (and again, I'm very grateful) but I feel so useless, I add no value. If I disappeared it wouldn't matter.
I have issues with my partner and she is great at belittling me, telling me I don't have mental health issues when she knows I have. We've been together over 25 years and I wasn't well when we met. She is really understanding of others with depression, great listener and very fast to support but with me there is nothing. I think she likes the fact that my self esteem is so non-existent that she can easily bully me into doing what she wants.
I was bullied throughout school and college and now as an adult - there is clearly something wrong with me to attract these kind of people and to give them a reason to bully me.
I want to hurt myself - it will stop my head for a while and I deserve to be punished.
I've just had enough of being a nothing