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I do not want to be here anymore

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
logan
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2019 2:46 pm

I do not want to be here anymore

Postby logan » Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:52 pm

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since 2008.
I keep having the same thoughts of not wanting to here or wanting to disappear.
I told my GP in 2018 that I have been having suicidal thoughts and she said it must ben frightening but I am not frightened, it is more calming

bigprawn
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:57 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby bigprawn » Wed Feb 19, 2020 10:05 pm

Hi Logan. I know exactly what you mean. It's like it makes more sense than to carry on struggling. I've been very close to suicide once before and never thought I would be there again and yet over the last couple of weeks I have felt myself drop and drop. Now I just don't want to carry on. Why should I when life makes me feel like this. I don't know who to talk to or who to turn to. So I've joined this site.

logan
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2019 2:46 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby logan » Wed Feb 19, 2020 10:10 pm

Same, I know I could apply for therapy but the waiting list is 16 week minimum, I may feel slightly better then comapred with now, and 16 weeks seems a long time.
I talk to the samaritans and calm. I have told my gp in the past but she is on maturnity leave and I do not feel comfortable talking to a different doctor about it

bigprawn
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:57 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby bigprawn » Wed Feb 19, 2020 10:21 pm

I've spoken to my dr's but all they want to do is either send me for CBT or put me on anti-depressants. I was on those for years to no avail and vowed to never take them again. I haven't reached out like this before and I'm kind of hoping speaking to people about my issues and theirs will help. I know I'm not on my own in feeling like this but I don't know who can help.

I'd love to disappear. I know I would be missed by one of my parents and by my kids but that's it. No-one else would care that much. I went to the dr's yesterday to get the results of a scan and I was really hoping there would be a tumour or terminal disease of some sort. There wasn't and so I carry on.

oflan240
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2020 11:42 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby oflan240 » Mon Feb 24, 2020 12:02 am

Hi, I can feel what you are saying. I am an Ex Soldier of the British Army and since leaving I have told myself that no one will miss me and that why should I keep going just to fight another day.

I was on medication but I stopped it as I found it was not useful, it took away any sort of emotion for me. I went to CBT therapy which helped alot and helped me understand myself and others around me a bit more.

I focus now on my family, I have a little boy and one on the way but I still get the urge to give up, but what I have found that helps is reading a book called "Chimp Paradox" I can do it in my own time and on my own out the way of anyone else, I also use an app called "Head Space" ... I struggled to sleep with fighting my depression and my own mind but this app helped me massively and I slept for the first time in a long time when I used it. I still use it now and its methods it teaches you.

One thing I have found though is that talking really helps, forums like this are great and I hope you reply so i know you are okay too.

angel7sc
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2020 3:14 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby angel7sc » Mon Feb 24, 2020 5:29 pm

Hi guys

Depression is the worst illness to have as you are constantly fighting with yourself. They say life's a gift and one must not give up on it, it is easier to give up than fight, you hear these words everyday but only you know what's going on in your mind, never give up because confronting your most worst fears will continue to make you a stronger person.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that you have found a friend in me. In everyone's life there is always a flicker of hope and I know that you will find it and find a way to get through your feelings and worries.


Take Care my friend

myheadspacerace
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2018 7:37 pm

Re: I do not want to be here anymore

Postby myheadspacerace » Tue Feb 25, 2020 3:19 am

Sorry to hear of your situation. I too have had suicidal thoughts, thinking it would be best to succumb to the impulses. I have tried more than once but I do believe it will get better. The dark places we sometimes find ourselves in. I have found samaritans and the sane help line helpful. I use the text back service on here too which also helps. I think I used the calm websites message service also. But the thing is you can get stuck in situations where the end seems miles away, but there is an end. Like this website there is help in the NHS and I know it must be very hard for you when things can get on top of you and you may or may not feel desperate and need help right now. I found using the helplines helped me today and yesterday when I was starting to panic and was anxious as hell. I guess my point is that there is help and I really hope that you find something that works for you. Take care my friend.


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