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How long does depression last?

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littleem
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby littleem » Wed Oct 02, 2019 11:20 pm

Hey Minnie,

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I hadn't realised that you had messaged me. Thanks for checking in on me.

I've been at least stable since my last post. I've enjoyed moments of joy, genuine laughter and feeling relaxed. No episodes since last month.

I met my cpn again this week. She noted that the cause of my last 'episode' was reactive depression rather than a chronic clinical depression. On reflection, I was feeling very underappreciated at work. My deeply embedded, relentless negative core beliefs
(of being inadequate, inferior and unwanted) that lie dormant now were awoken and brought to the surface. Paired with tiredness - a sure thing to drain my mood to misery - and possibly even symptomatic of pms. I've only recently restored physical health but have experienced intense negative emotions for two consecutive months. It could be coincidental. It could be physiological. Time will tell, I guess.

Anyways, yes. Reducing the antidepressants once the anorexia therapy has been completed by the Spring is the plan. I hope to enjoy feeling the sensation of being 'real' again and feeling like my 'old self' rather than being wrapped in (a much welcomed!) bubble wrap.

Last Christmas was the first year since childhood that I didn't become overwhelmed or stressed. I didn't have the 'oomph' in me to want everything to be perfect. I took away the pressure. It felt much better. I'm not overly festive, though. I prefer the heat and minimal gifts.

I hope you are as well as you can be just now. If you ever want to post, I'm here to listen.

Take care,

Em x

minniemoo
Posts: 132
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:32 pm

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby minniemoo » Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:06 pm

Hey Em

So nice to hear from you! When I first read your message I was having quite a panicky time but things are better now and it was just circumstantial due to some major life events I have going on.. they are positive ones but still stressful to manage. I’m a bit embarrassed about getting so overwhelmed (one night I had an ambulance over!!!!).. but now I’m on track and I guess I should be proud that I’m managing everything very well other than that. I tried to post at the time but I couldn’t.

Ooh well done for letting go of perfection, that used to be a big issue for me.. not so much now..

Anyways, I have a night to myself and very excited about a nice bath and a book yay..

littleem
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:55 am

Hey Minnie,

Sorry for the late response. Life. :roll:

Don't feel embarrassed. We each have our own individual response to different stressors. What is paramount, is that you DID 'manage'. So go easy on yourself, be proud of yourself and allow yourself to feel. :)

Besides, we learn from experience about what's helpful and what's not.
I hope you are not feeling so overwhelmed now and that the positive life events you mentioned have since played out peacefully.

That's positive that you have been able to let go of striving to meet that unattainable standard of 'perfection'. It's exhausting.

Ah, likewise do I appreciate the simple pleasures of a hot bath and a good book!

Life my end has been..... tumultuous? Very changeable.

I changed jobs. I changed back when the new job was too overwhelming with too many people and too much pressure to be happy for customers all the time when inside I was struggling to appear 'okay' and (hate this word) 'normal'. :roll: The manager kindly asked if I was okay and I started crying! Not my finest moment. :shock: :cry: :oops:

Same day I lost my job, my mother kicked me out. She went from 0 to 100 in a flash and resembled The Incredible Hulk. :twisted:
Long story short, I said I'd jump off a bridge (It wasn't a genuine threat. She had completely pushed me to the limit and I reacted) and she said 'Go on then. If you've got the guts' and screamed and swore repeatedly at me, calling me over and over again (another word I hate) "MENTAL! MENNNNNNTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!" :cry:

When I left, she threatened to call the police and went to the train station looking for me.

I started my old job back the next morning and viewed a flatshare in the evening. I paid the bond and first week's rent the next day in exchange for the keys. I went home that day and reconciled with my mother although my barriers are up. I don't hold grudges. I forgive. But it's very hard to go back from your own mother throwing you out (when this time, SHE was significantly more in the wrong than me!!) and saying "go on then, if you've got the guts" about jumping off a bridge.

Next day, I bought nice stuff for my new flat and was due to move that evening.
Turns out the flatmate was renting illegally. All fell through.

So I'm stuck at home. Trying to hound down this stupid estate agent who won't bloody pick up her phone. Finding it very frustrating. She has a room available in a shared house. I want out of here.

Sorry for the rant. I needed to get it out, I guess.

How are things your end?

Take care,

Em xx

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so sad
Posts: 214
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby so sad » Wed Nov 13, 2019 12:47 pm

Hi Em

That all sounds like a nightmare and it takes real guts to have managed all of that so well done. I hope you can acknowledge how well you have done.
I would want out of the family home too - does you Mum have issues of her won that would explain (not justify I want to add) how she spoke to you?
I'm glad you're talking on here - I do still look out for your posts to see how you're doing.

xx

littleem
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 13, 2019 5:09 pm

Hey,

Thanks for posting. How are you?

I'm feeling the aftereffects now. Like a deflated balloon. Just really brain-dead and empty. :shock:
It will pass..... *sigh*

At least now my depression is reactive.

Anyways, tomorrow I am viewing a shared house. My mother wants to tag along. I know this will mean nit pick, nit pick, nit pick, NO! :roll: :cry:

She's already expressing concerns that my eating habits will deteriorate if I'm living elsewhere.
I feel like I live in a bloody mental health unit. It's ALL she talks about. Anorexia. Depression. Mood. Support. Weight gain. Therapy. BLAH BLAH BLAH. :roll:

I'm meeting my care coordinator tomorrow to discuss support etc. Family therapy, I feel, is a MUST. :idea:

.......................

Oh, you aren't the first to ask that about my mum! Even my therapists have suggested she get help. :lol: I think I would have a lot more empathy for her if she did have issues. But no, she doesn't have any mental illnesses. She's just nasty. She just has no empathy and NO tolerance for anorexia.

Her father was very volatile, unpredictable and both physically and verbally abusive. Not directly to her, but she still grew up in that awful environment nonetheless.

Anger really is her vice. Part of me likes the fact that I know this weakness of hers. I'm smug that whilst I might be a piece of @!#?, she's not so @?#*~!!# perfect after all! And also that I'm not the only one who's flawed. :evil: :cry: :shock:

So there you have my hearty rant. ;)

How are you doing? I hope you are as well as you can be right now.

Em xx

minniemoo
Posts: 132
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:32 pm

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby minniemoo » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:03 pm

Wow you have a lot going on. That takes guts to admit a job is not right for you. You are brave! And you immediately sorted another job, a flat, then a house share...!!!

I am a few years ahead of you and recently turned a big corner with accepting how people are and just drawing up better boundaries.

Maybe once you have distance from your mum you can be more choosy about what you tell her and when so as not to worry (anger!!) her until you are more in control of things. The last thing you need in a crisis is more stress, sounds like enough to turn anyone crazy! Do you need her to go with you?

Also sounds like you are actually getting more on top of your mental health, knowing yourself and dealing with things.. and her throwing those terms around is making you doubt yourself, maybe even worrying you. It’s sad she’s not the supportive mum you need but I hope you have someone that offers you a hug or some kindness.. we are always here for you anyways!

I’m overcoming the obstacles and dealing with things. Life feels less of a rollercoaster nowadays. X

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so sad
Posts: 214
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby so sad » Fri Nov 15, 2019 12:04 pm

Hi

How did the house viewing go? Did your Mum go and did she behave??

Did you get anywhere with the acre-coordinator about family therapy? I agree that is does sound very important.

I'm not in the best place - just had my last appointment with my DBT therapist this week so after working together for 17 months it feels like a bereavement. Found out that my lovely, kind, supportive GP has cancer and trying to sort out moving house - far too much for my sensitive brain to cope with.

I wish I more robust but I have to try to make the best of what I can do I guess - easier said than done.

Please let us know how you're getting on

xx

littleem
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:34 pm

Hey Minnie,

That takes real patience, endurance, maturity and self-awareness to come to a point of feeling more acceptance and control. I'm glad your life doesn't feel like a roller coaster these days.

I'm happy to be back in my old job. I'm also writing this from my new place. I moved in today.
My mother is happy for me so I really hope this will take the strain off our relationship.

I hope you're as well as you can be just now.

Take care,
Em x

littleem
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: How long does depression last?

Postby littleem » Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:54 pm

Hey So,

Just do the best you can in the situation you're in. Allow yourself to feel your true emotions without the pressure of 'I should', 'I must' and 'I wish I was more....'

It's natural to feel the sense of loss and grief regarding your therapy. That shows that you made a strong connection. You've been through a lot and 17 months of therapy is no easy feat.

You've also come through a lot and are now in a place where your therapist knows that you are ready to take the next steps yourself. That's commendable.

It's natural to have apprehensions but with time all these emotions will decrease, pass and heal.
New sensations will surface: Peace, self-affirmation, contentment, pride, self-confidence, ambition, optimism, motivation, achievement, fulfillment, self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Time heals.

I'm so sorry to hear about your GP. I hope that they receive the best course of treatment.
Be assured of my kind thoughts for you and for their recovery.

Moving house is always a stressful venture. But it will be worth it to be nice and settled in a new place as the festive season approaches. I hope you have help to move and that you will be happy in your new home.

When are you moving?

I took the room in the shared house. Today is my first day here. It's very quiet and warm and I have a good initial feeling about it all.

My mother came once I had made the second viewing alone. She behaved, yes. She helped me move in. She is happy for me and she likes the place. (Oh! She would say if she didn't! :lol: )

Yesterday, as she was helping me move in my stuff, I heard her in the porch downstairs from the landing upstairs saying out loud to nobody, 'Oh! It smells!' There was a very faint scent of cigarette smoke. Enough to be from somebody who'd had a smoke in the garden and walked into the house afterwards. I mentioned it to her later, jokingly, and she didn't even realise she'd said it! Thankfully, only I heard. :roll: :lol:

So the family therapist is on long term sick leave. When my therapy finishes by next March, we will reassess. If the family therapist is still off, my care coordinator said she could even do some informal sessions with us as she is trained in family therapy. In the meantime, living independently from my parents could be all the family therapy we need. :lol:

Otherwise, they're looking at discharging me.

Thanks for checking in on me and for caring.

Keep me posted on how you're doing - That's both SoSad and Minnie! :D :D

Take care of yourself,

Em x


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