Really lovely to hear from you. Thank you for your words of kindness and reassurance.
I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling in a very good place right now. You are not a failure. Completing twelve months of DBT in itself is a testament to that. You have shown real strength, courage, honesty, persistence, commitment and resilience.
I encourage you to be honest with your treatment team. They have a duty of care. Share your feelings and fears with them.
Identify the residual issues that take precedence in this stage of your recovery and decide exactly what support you feel you need to address, better manage and/or overcome them. Are further treatment options available and accessible, e g. Input of a mental health professional of a different job role, a different form of therapy, a support group etc.
Also, explore what sources of support are available within your local community.
Completing DBT doesn't have to be 'the end'. Rather, what do YOU feel is the most appropriate 'next step' to take.
The dark fog lifted thankfully. The dips of depression are no longer frequent. This most recent one was probably the first in a year.
I didn't go on a big train adventure..... Spent the day in bed.... But I am in a better place now and that is most important.
I am aware of my potential and capability for more. I have experienced the possibility and pleasure of being challenged, content and fulfilled. I have also experienced the loss of opportunity, the longing for more, and boredom, sadness and feeling unsatisfied. Opportunities have been compromised by my mental health difficulties. I can accept this, but I struggle to be content with the consequential situation I am in. I can accept that I will not have a romantic relationship, have children and raise a family, that I will unlikely to ever move into a nice place of my own and will never make my own family home, that I will not have a professional career and earn more than the minimum wage, that I will not at present be able to travel alone in the world, that I look twelve when I'm 25..... But the state to which I have been reduced does get me down. I feel loss sadness, regret, self-pity, emptiness, inadequate, jealous, bitter, lonely, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty and defeated. Such emotions are enough to make anyone want to shut out the world and wallow in their own bed of misery.
That's my problem: unfulfillment.
Causes me to think: What's the point?
Which leads to tiredness, low .mood and withdrawal. All of which cause depression.
I hope that you are having a brighter week this week and that you get the support you want and deserve.
I'm here if you ever want to talk.
Take care of yourself. Love Em xxx