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"What about my feelings?"

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2019 3:42 pm
by sinead.bre
Hi there,
I am struggling on an immense level at present and through this am finding it challenging to communicate with a relatively new partner. I have been told it not only feels as though I am pushing them away but also that I do not consider their feelings. They want me to reach out to them yet I feel like a complete burden when I do.
Is this something you have experienced and if so, please can you offer some insight?
Thank you.

Re: "What about my feelings?"

Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:44 pm
by trying101
Yes I feel that way and I think it comes from the fact that we feel the weight of our issues and feel burdened by them so why wouldn't this person who I am with feel this way? We project our feelings of onto them and convince ourselves we know that once they know everything they won't feel better but burdened.

You have to complete this trust exercise and just do what they ask and see if you're right. The right person won't feel like you are a burden but that won't stop you feeling like one. It's just something else you will need to add to the "work on" pile.

Re: "What about my feelings?"

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2019 1:28 pm
by vitasw
Hi sinead.bre,

You are in a very relatable position, it's hard to balance the feeling of being a burden with the knowledge that people who care about you want to help and know what's going on with you. I imagine that with a new relationship this is particularly hard as trust is still being built. I find that the best way to "reach out" to people without the fear of scaring them off is to be honest but calm throughout your communication. If you express your feelings and say what you need from someone then often people react well. You could say something like "I'm feeling quite down today, but I'm getting by", "I'm having a bad day and need some time for myself" or "I'm feeling down and would appreciate some support today, can we have a chat/hang out/stay in tonight?". It might feel a little forced at first but ultimately open communication is always good for relationships. Best of luck x