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There goes the trust

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sirhugo
Posts: 630
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

There goes the trust

Postby sirhugo » Sat Jan 19, 2019 8:50 pm

I’ve worked so hard over the past few months to rebuild my trust in people. A few days ago all my newfound trust was shattered

I was dragged into a disciplinary meeting at work and had all manner of accusations thrown at me. People at work have been claiming that I’ve been stalking them, invading there space and basically claiming I’m some sort of sexual predator. One girl even complained that I called her pretty for fuck sake. It was a compliment

Now I’m on suspension and they’re claiming I’ve been harassing these women and they’re hinting at gross misconduct. All I ever tried to do was make an effort to get these people to be my friends

I don’t see how I could ever trust another human being ever again

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1704
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Jan 19, 2019 11:26 pm

That's horrible. Those pressure cooker type environments can lead to all sorts of nonsense, especially accusations. Are you in a union or anything? I would definitely try to find someone with the right knowledge base to go to any further meetings.

maisi
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:29 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby maisi » Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:31 pm

Ah no, that sounds horrible- sorry to hear it. But do ride the storm and get help/ react coolly. Allegations and misconduct type issues can come up and be challenged and positively resolved- seen it happen for a couple of people I know, but best not to do it on your own.

As attmp already said, have you got any professional support (union or is there any other route)? What's your next step?

sirhugo
Posts: 630
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby sirhugo » Mon Jan 21, 2019 12:26 pm

I’m not in the union. I’m sure they have some sort of employee rep but I don’t see the need for it

I’m amazed at how quick I’ve managed to bounce back from this. Today for example I feel great. Guess the depression as a whole really is improving

However I’m really worried about the prospect of being unemployed. Also even if I does get resolved and I go back how am I supposed to face these people. How can I be civil to them when they’ve said such horrible things about me?

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1704
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby andthistoomustpass » Mon Jan 21, 2019 8:41 pm

It's a crap situation. I would definitely have a chat with the rep at earliest opportunity. Am I right in thinking your employers know about your mental health? Do you think it would help to be open with management about why you were trying to talk to people? I'd be tempted to be contrite, tell them it was an important therapeutic exercise (which it was) but now you know it has caused upset, you will cut it out. If that doesn't have the desired effect and they are still talking gross misconduct (and you have been depressed for at least two years, with a significant impact on your day to day life) then it may be worth mentioning that you are likely covered by the Equality Act.

I know it will be really difficult to work in that environment after this but if you keep your job then either it will blow over or you will give yourself breathing space to find something new. I try never to jump ship unless I know where I will land.

maisi
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:29 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby maisi » Fri Jan 25, 2019 11:38 pm

Hi Hugo,

Just wondering if you're alright, and whether you've had any progress/ change to the situation?

Maisi

sirhugo
Posts: 630
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby sirhugo » Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:38 pm

hi all. got an update on the situation

I was invited to another disciplinary hearing. as part of the investigation they interviewed the woman I was supposedly harassing again. i was sent there statements. I was hoping that they would have realized there error and let it go. instead there comments were even more horrible. One girl claimed she was so scared she was considering calling the police.

regardless of where they choose to sack me or not i refuse to being within 5 feet of these women again. as of Monday i will be giving my resignation. if i ever saw them again i could not be responsible for my actions

considering the trust issues this has created, I'm going to enquire with the doctor about being signed off sick for the time being. i don't see how i could work in the company of anyone again. i would need a job with no social interaction at all

thanks everyone for caring

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1704
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Jan 26, 2019 9:17 pm

Mate

Glad you have made your decision if nothing else. Please don't let a handful of gossips in a pressure cooker environment like a call centre convince you to paint the 7+ billion people in the world with the same brush.

Many years ago, I was accused of sexual harassment at work after turning down the strong advances of a girl who was... not stable. I know it is an F'ing horrible experience. Luckily for me, she tried a very similar trick with my replacement otherwise it could have been much worse.

Stay strong mate, you will pick yourself back up.

maisi
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:29 pm

Re: There goes the trust

Postby maisi » Sat Jan 26, 2019 10:34 pm

Sorry to hear it, it must be a tough time. I suspect when someone makes a complaint/gets into a formal dispute they can end up going all out to justify it, making them paint things as extreme as they can. I second what attmp said- the situation isn't representative of your relations with people in general.

I've really enjoyed the way you interact in our game. Despite a background of domestic violence etc, I've found you respectful and you've responded well as we've taken the piss and gone into some fairly (? very) iffy topics- I'm triggerable, but enjoy the dodgy game cos I can see you're coming from a good place, and that says a lot, from where I'm standing.

Good luck at the GP :roll:

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: There goes the trust

Postby christabel » Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:56 pm

Just read this post Hugo. We are here on the forum when we can so if you need to rant or just talk please don't forget it.

Take care. Chris


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