Hey, hey, hey,
that's terrible, what can you do but just bear that. And be proud of yourself. You can say it all here, and other places, cos you need to be able to talk about it, and believe it or not there are people who that sounds realistic to. It's terrible, but not unbelievable, because people do go through some awful fucking shit sometimes. I've been in intensive care while parents have lost their kids, while I was channeling everything I had to hope my kid would survive, and I'll never ever feel ok, cos my kid will never be 'ok'. You don't need to be ok about that experience you described, your normal human needs should be recognised- that it's trauma, that you need to be listened to. Don't think that how you feel is abnormal, that's what I'm trying to say, and there's help out there. Oh and here.