chapter 2 - Tomb Raider
So today began like any other in my mundane existence. I woke up and felt just as tired as I did when I went to sleep. I thought about the day ahead and felt a combination of despair and apathy. Then came the familiar guilt, reminding me that I could have it much worse and that I had a beautiful women in my life who loved me. As usual none of those thoughts made me feel any better. They only made me feel worse. I regularly have a battle in my head about what I feel and what I “should” feel
I didn’t have work on this day. So I thought about all the possible things I could do with my day, and as usual none of them seemed particularly appealing. My girlfriend was as work so she couldn’t distract me from my misery. So I did what I usually do when I can’t think of anything else. I fired up my Xbox. Then I fired up Tomb Raider. A game I have played form start to finish about ten times.
Lizzie was due to finish work at 6, so having had enough of tomb raider for one day, I threw on some clothes and left about 5. I then wandered aimlessly around the wood paths near her work. Not because I had any burning desire to do this. Mainly it was because I felt I should because I’d been doing nothing all day, plus there’s the tiny hope that some fresh air would make me feel better
So I meet Lizzie at work, come home and have dinner, watch TV and then go to bed. Normally I would just lie there for hours, not sleeping, with a bunch of destructive thoughts running through my head before finally falling asleep in the early hours due to sheer exhaustion. However, on this given night something was different
While surfing randomly on my phone trying to tire myself out, I stumbled across an article in my news app about depression. I scanned through without paying much attention until I came across a list of symptoms that this particular person had. When I had finished the list my jaw had dropped and the following thought was going round and round in my head
“This is my life”
I had every single one of these symptoms. I felt an overwhelming urge to tell someone.
Fortunately it wasn’t too late so I went into Lizzies room (we sleep in separate rooms because I snore like a pig) I then utter the words that would change my life forever
“I think I have depression”
I slept liked a baby that night