Be reassured that it's totally natural having to adjust to returning home after some time away.
I'm looking forward to the job.
What perpetuates this (seemingly) endless, hopeless, destructive and utterly exasperating cycle concerning work is a warped cognition. In order to smooth out this cognition, I need to BREAK the cycle. So far (so good!), I've told nobody in my family about this job. Next steps - GO to the job, remain in the job, repeat and maintain.
I really wish it wasn't so hard for me but unless I overcome it (and at the end of the day, ONLY I CAN overcome it), I will forever be stuck in this miserable cycle!!! It's not the job. It's not the people. It is a series of stupid thoughts to which I can CHOOSE how to respond. This is going to be really hard but the only way out is THROUGH.
I was worrying my dad was going to fall into depression. That's me worrying because, ugh, depression is vile. He had a day to wallow but is moving forward today. Phew. My mother has post-concussion syndrome. It will pass. Besides, I like caring for and reassuring them.
The child psychology course is really interesting. Focuses on cognitive development and education.
Well you are able to hold down a job which is something I want to be able to do most of all! And here you are saying you think about doing different things, but don't action the thought. (Ahem, you did just go to Jordan though!! That's pretty awesome!!) So, how about I work ALL my shifts next week and you try one thing (anything!) new that you fancy trying out. Deal?
'I am rubbish at everything else in my life'.
Sorry, I refuse to let this one slip by! How about saying something like, 'I have lots of good qualities and I am good at lots of different things. There are other things that I find more difficult, but this is natural and applies to everyone. All in all, I am at least good enough and I am doing really well'.
Also, perhaps change 'I need to stop being so lazy' ('need' adds pressure and 'so lazy' sounds insulting) to something like, 'I want to start working on becoming a bit more motivated' ('I want' sounds positive and appealing, and 'to start', 'becoming' and 'a bit' encourage gently and feel achievable, and 'more motivated' has positive connections and feels like a good goal).
Maybe I'm doing too many psychology courses....?
What kind of 'things' are you interested in doing?
Met with my therapist today. She's lovely! It was really positive working with her again because I could see just how far I have come. She can offer me eight fortnightly sessions based around self esteem starting from 10th December. She's also referred me to fortnightly creative therapy in between the sessions with her. To be honest, I don't really feel I need the therapy!
It was the ED-themed therapy I really wanted. But that seems unlikely.
I will go for it anyways. It's not exactly going to be detrimental to me!
The weekend has got off to a good start.
I'm aware of the triggers that always ever come when my rather insensitive, unappreciative, dismissive, disinterested, judgemental and arrogant brother comes to visit .....It's very difficult for me not to react to them by allowing his thoughts and actions to ADD to and to REINFORCE my already-deeply-engrained chronic core belief that I am LESS. It makes me sad because I feel dismissed, overlooked, inadequate and a disappointment. I also feel I've lost my big bro who I always looked up to. Few years back he mixed in different circles and became all pretentious.
Wishing you a good weekend ahead. All the best with starting the unpacking.
Just take your time and break it up with relaxation and things you enjoy doing.