How are you feeling tonight? I hope you've had a better day. Sounds to me like you've achieved a lot. You seem brighter, too.
Modelling washing dishes? Definitely onto something here.
I don't think vulnerability has to be a sign of weakness. I think it can take real strength and courage to express one's inner unique authenticity with such honesty and self-awareness. The forum thing is a weird concept.
But it's oddly cathartic.
Well done for going to work and for showing your face at lunch. Well done for getting on with the admin tasks, too!
No need to apologise for tiredness. You're going to have a blood test tomorrow to address the tiredness (an external symptom not of your personal choice, remember!
You're not lame! You're exhausted. Totally different. The people who wanted you to go out with them tonight clearly don't think you're lame!
Small, realistic goals sound positive. Baby steps. I feel like that's my catch phrase!
But I've had to accept that in order to achieve, sustain, overcome and then challenge, I have to move in teeny tiny baby steps.
You're not being self-indulgent. I'm here to listen and to help as best as I can!
I'm good thanks. I'm enjoying this little job of mine. I have a completely different outlook. Before, I would quit because it was (in my mind) 'a crap job'. I know I am capable of more. Before, I would regard myself therefore as a total failure and a loser.
But I see it differently now. The work is easy, the people nice and I am coping. Right now, it's where I'm at. I think after hitting rock bottom, the only way forward has been up. I tell myself this:
' I have not achieved less. I have overcome more.' To some, dishes is a shit job. To some, it makes me stupid. But I know my own truth - enduring the darkness of mental illness. I know what it took to get to this point so those who judge it differently don't matter.
'Those who mind, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind'.
Oops. Random tangent.
Gained 1kg today as targeted!!! Actually really pleased with myself. My mother was so happy and relieved which means the world to me.
I've also just wrapped my Christmas presents!
Hope you have a good sleep and a nice day tomorrow. Good luck with the blood test and nurse appointment.