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I feel so alone and scared

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cragmcc
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:08 pm

I feel so alone and scared

Postby cragmcc » Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:21 pm

Hi there,

I have been living with depression for years and always hidden it, my wife suffered from it about 10 years ago and I just didn't want her to think I was weak so I never really opened up about it.

Well today she has walked out on me and I don't blame her, I lie, my moods are all over the place, I don't want to do anything, my sex drive is non existent, what a catch eh.

I love her so much, we have been married for 9 years and I can't believe I have left her with no option but to go. I have already pushed all my friends and family away so I am sitting here on my own and I don't know where to turn. I have all sorts of horrible thoughts, I'm pretty sure they are just thoughts but they are not thoughts a normal person should be having.

Why have I lived like this for years? Why didn't I just say I am seriously ill, I need help, why have I driven her away?

I just feel like I have nothing left now, so what's the point? Would anyone actually care if I wasn't here, I honestly don't think they would, apart from my old Dad who is nearly 80 I have no one to turn to, i am crying my heart out and all I am feeling is pain.

Sorry for not making much sense but I just wanted to see if anyone would chat to me

mihaela
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: I feel so alone and scared

Postby mihaela » Thu Apr 05, 2018 10:04 am

Hi and welcome!

cragmcc wrote:I have been living with depression for years and always hidden it, my wife suffered from it about 10 years ago and I just didn't want her to think I was weak so I never really opened up about it.


You've done well managing to hide it for so long, but the hiding didn't help you in the long run. So sorry to hear that she left you. Do you think there's a chance she'd go mack to you if you became better?

I have already pushed all my friends and family away so I am sitting here on my own and I don't know where to turn.


You can't afford to do this, for not having them around to support you will only make you worse. The horrible thoughts sound very much like OCD (intrusive thoughts type) which is very common and easily cured with therapy. I know waht depression is like for I've had it on and off for most of my life, but nowadays I'm managing to keep it at a safe distance - most of the time.

Why have I lived like this for years? Why didn't I just say I am seriously ill, I need help, why have I driven her away?


That's the big question I can't answer. Maybe you just chose a bad coping strategy.

I just feel like I have nothing left now, so what's the point? Would anyone actually care if I wasn't here, I honestly don't think they would, apart from my old Dad who is nearly 80 I have no one to turn to, i am crying my heart out and all I am feeling is pain.


Try not to feel bad about yourself. Keep yourself busy and distracted as far as you can. Although you feel so bad at the moment, if you seek help (and you must insist on it!) you'll recover from this dark tunnel. Depression is the commonest mental illness, and recovery isn't at all difficult - as long as you get the right treatment.

Sorry no-one's replied sooner but posts are easy to miss here, and there aren't very many regulars about. x

missflowers
Posts: 52
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:14 am

Re: I feel so alone and scared

Postby missflowers » Fri Apr 06, 2018 2:26 am

hi
i just wanted to welcome you to the forum x
im so sorry this has happened but you aren't alone as you have us

i truly hope this place helps you
love Lu x
I used to be Lucretia on here
much love Lu xxxx


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