between two minds

[PureFrustr8d]

Hi all,

I've always found comfort in this forum being here. I've used it on and off over the past decade and sometimes it's been my only support. I like the fact we help each other. It's a really caring community.

I sometimes feel so involved that I get really upset reading posts, I know that is never the intention of the person writing. I always get to a point where I want to do more but just can't seem to match my wishes with my actions because of my own struggle. I come on because I need to write in a safe place or I'm in need of support and usually disappear without notice when I hit a wall.

I've been trying to find a balance over the years but I find it hard. I'm sensitive and I care deeply about those struggling, when someone talks about ending their life it's particularly difficult for me because I just want to be on the other side of the screen stopping them from acting on such thoughts but I can't be there physically.

Then I have the other issue of triggers.

I doubt I'm the only one that feels like this?

I see a psychiatrist once in a while and a psychologist fortnightly. I always feel exhausted after meetings. I don't want to take meds which goes down like a lead balloon. I want to stop seeing these people, it's not helping. I've gone through a fair few in the past 5 years (since moving here) and went without too which didn't go too well. I've tried meds, antidepressants induce mania and antipsychotics caused all sorts of undesirable side-effects. In my mind I can't afford to cut ties but at the same time the meetings are wiping me out...tricky huh.

Peace

[mihaela]

Welcome back!

I sometimes feel so involved that I get really upset reading posts, I know that is never the intention of the person writing. I always get to a point where I want to do more but just can't seem to match my wishes with my actions because of my own struggle. I come on because I need to write in a safe place or I'm in need of support and usually disappear without notice when I hit a wall.

I've been trying to find a balance over the years but I find it hard. I'm sensitive and I care deeply about those struggling, when someone talks about ending their life it's particularly difficult for me because I just want to be on the other side of the screen stopping them from acting on such thoughts but I can't be there physically.

All this applies to me too. Sometimes the frustr8ion of feeling so helpless gets to me. I wish MH services would do more to help people. I've not been impressed by my own experiences with them.

Then I have the other issue of triggers. I doubt I'm the only one that feels like this?

I think triggers affect all sensitive people. If only they didn't!

I see a psychiatrist once in a while and a psychologist fortnightly. I always feel exhausted after meetings. I don't want to take meds which goes down like a lead balloon. I want to stop seeing these people, it's not helping. I've gone through a fair few in the past 5 years (since moving here) and went without too which didn't go too well. I've tried meds, antidepressants induce mania and antipsychotics caused all sorts of undesirable side-effects. In my mind I can't afford to cut ties but at the same time the meetings are wiping me out...tricky huh.

Yes, getting the balance right can be very tricky. I always feel exhausted after meetings too. I don't know what the answer is really. Life isn't easy.

[PureFrustr8d]

Hi mihaela,

Thank you for your kind reply.

We have things in common I see. I suppose if we had the answers we'd be better already, right. I'm a one day at a time person. Life is not easy with this struggle but it sure is made easier having others understand

Best wishes,
Peace

[vitasw]

Hi PureFrustr8d

I'm a lot newer to forums than you but I totally get it. I've felt really comforted coming here and speaking to different people. But also obviously unavoidable triggers. I don't really know how to balance that, but I'm trying to come to this forum before my mood gets too bad - so I'm strong enough to know when to step away from other people's problems.

It sounds like you want to step away from mental health professionals but also are wary of being cut off from support. Have you talked about this with your psychologist? I wonder what they would say about it. It's not good for either of you if you aren't getting something out of it, but maybe by talking about it they can suggest something more helpful, or change their approach?

Obviously, I don't know what about your sessions leaves you wiped out so apologies if this is entirely irrelevant - but have you thought about external factors that make it better/worse? e.g. time of day/whether you've eaten properly/you just came from work etc. I've found that these factors do sometimes affect how well my sessions go, so I try to be mindful of that.

All the best,

V

[PureFrustr8d]

Hi vitasw,

Thank you very much for your message. I took a moment to read the post you wrote when you joined. Please accept my deepest condolences, such a heartbreaking difficulty to live through. I'm pleased to read you are getting professional support and that you too find comfort in the forum.

Re my appointments - well, I plan to bring it up when I see her tomorrow. I've been through a lot and I find she asks me too much. In one appointment she could easily have me discuss multiple traumas. She asks so directly that I feel uncomfortable not to reply. I try to match her lack of emotion and speak about things - 'matter of fact' - but I can't. In the first meeting I did say to her something along the lines of 'do I really need to get in to that?' (when she asked a very specific question) and she replied something like 'if you don't, I'm not going to know how much you are suffering'. I've felt obliged since but I can't keep it up.

Peace

[PureFrustr8d]

I apparently got the time mixed up. It looked very much like she had written 14hr but I was informed on my arrival it was actually 11am...so I missed it. She pulled her diary out and started looking for another time...in 2 weeks. I told her not to bother, that I want to end the contact but I'll keep seeing the psychiatrist and left. That's the best I've felt since meeting her lol It's not cool though but yeah the lack of anxiety and exhaustion after a meeting feels good. Guess I'll have to see with the psychiatrist next month what I can do...

Peace

[vitasw]

Hi again,

Good for you!

"In the first meeting, I did say to her something along the lines of 'do I really need to get in to that?' (when she asked a very specific question) and she replied something like 'if you don't, I'm not going to know how much you are suffering'. I've felt obliged since but I can't keep it up."

^I flinched when I read that. It seems very inappropriate to me that they would push on something you clearly did not want to go into. I can see why you didn't have a productive relationship if they weren't listening to what you wanted or needed. It sounds like there was an unhealthy power dynamic if you felt you had to speak about certain things/speak in a certain way because it's what they wanted, not you.

Good luck with your psychiatrist next month! Hope you keep well x

All the best

[PureFrustr8d]

Hi vitasw,

Thank you for your message. I saw it the day you posted it and you're kind words were comforting. I apologies for not acknowledging it earlier. I was just trying not to think too much about last Wed, then my weekend was very difficult and this week has been a bit demanding too. I know it's good to be away from that woman but it's such a disappointment. I genuinely did feel ok when I walked away from the hospital but it didn't last long when I realised that's another one I've not been compatible with. These thing cause more harm than good sometimes.

Thank you re my psychiatrist appointment, I too hope it's going to go ok. Unfortunately they have a way of turning things on you though (but I'll prepare myself for the 'it's your fault you don't have support' speech). Last time I saw her I was feeling pretty desperate and said I'll consider medication and she suggested I think it about before I see her again. Well I have and don't want meds, hopefully that won't surprise her though. I'm just dreading that question - 'what do you expect us to do for you?'. I've been direct and said let me see someone who is qualified and experienced in the field of trauma but each time the different psychiatrist just tell me that all the professionals are qualified and experienced

I've seen the way you have been contributing to the forums with your caring presence but don't forget to ask for support when you need it too. Please don't compare yourself to anyone else's struggle as yours is just as valid and if we can be of help here there are plenty prepared to do so.

Best wishes,
Peace

[casper1]

hi, sorry to hear you are struggling, I am new here. would it help if you could be referred to another counsellor. x

[PureFrustr8d]

Thanks Casper. Yes I know you're new here, we met on the newbies forum earlier today

The thing about getting another psychologist is where I live, it's just a wee town and you're restricted to access the resources which are offered. I was permitted access to a hospital in another town when I arrived but since learning the language I've been told I have to stick to what's in my town Not that I'm great with travelling around anyway so never mind. There is only one left I haven't met, a male. I'll need to give it some thought.

Peace