How are things progressing Isap

[Isap]

Caro

Thanks ever so much for your kind message.

The JW mailed this morning to say he had received the package! He will bring to me on Wednesday. Now I'm back up to 3 x 37.5 of venlafaxine until then.

As for clonazepam, I will continue trying to come off it, knowing I have backup if things go wrong. Apart from the fact it is no longer effective, it's illegal to import benzos into this horrible country. Also, none of the pharmacies seem to stock it either.

You have to wonder why psychiatrists prescribe stuff you can't get hold of. It just proves how incompetent they are.

You are in my prayers too

God bless

Chris xx

[deb1960]

Hi Chris

I hope your meds arrive soon. I feel for you. This waiting but not being quite sure is most awful (I am waiting for my increase in preg.... to kick in too early yet).

I think never giving in is massively important and you don't. Though I am aware that in your position there is little manouver.

God bless
Debs xx

[Isap]

Hello Debs

Thanks for your message. Unless the jail confiscate or lose my medications, I will receive on Wednesday.

I know what you're going through waiting for the Pregabalin to kick in.

Be strong, never give in, and try to stop struggling.

God bless

Chris xx

[deb1960]

Hi Chris.

Thank you for your advice. I think I am strong lately. I haven't given in yet.

Don't struggle? I think I know what it means. Do you manage in any way. tto 'relax' into your anxiety. I think it must be possible.

I'm sorry to go on but this is my big worry
Over the last few years my anxiety has been getting worse. Less good breaks. ie. a few months.last winter it had got very tough. Preg... helped a great deal u til April. Normally my mood is good for summer but it's very poor. I am having good week bad week. It gets to a point where it's agony. Each time for the last 8 weeks it's got worse and worse.
Sorry for all this but I wonder about long term ie will this anxiety just get worse and worse and worse.

I hope all will go well with your meds. My struggle is much less than yours. I don't know how you do it.

Debs. xx

[Isap]

Hi Deb's

You don't need to compare yourself to me or anyone else. Your anxiety is real and it's causing you agony.

You have the classic fear of fear syndrome. You are anxious about getting more anxious. The ups and downs are horrible. There is no doubt your anxiety is more frequent but is it actually worse?

Since starting doing meditation again I have become a bit better at ignoring negative thoughts. That is probably the closest I can get to relaxing into anxiety although I am never relaxed. Playing online bridge and occasionally not often talking to people are my only distractions. And writing mails to friends and family and making posts here.

If I was outside I know If immerse myself in jogging or gym - if It felt up to it.

You're doing better than you think. It's ok to be anxious.

God bless

Chris xx

[Isap]

Hello Debs

I just thought of something that might help which you mentioned before. Have you thought of asking a GP for referral to a psychiatrist and another course of CBT. You'll probably be told there's a long waiting list but it might give you a bit more hope, something to look forward to and add to your weekly schedule. No guarantee it will be the same psychiatrist or counsellor as before. Say you need a review of your medications.

God bless

Chris xx

[Isap]

Hello Debs

Another thing which came to mind and taken from Claire Weekes. Our illness is not an illness of how we feel but how we think. That's why we need to try and change our way of thinking. Say "So what" to What if ... thoughts. Mock the negative thoughts rather than try and struggle against them which doesn't work. That's why CBT and meditation will help. ACT is probably better but I doubt if there is a NHS counselor who practises it.

God bless

Chris xx

[deb1960]

Hi Chris

I think that CBT would be a good idea and quite accessible. A reminder of all the what if mistakes would do me good.

As for seeing a psychiatrist. It's highly unlikely they'd entertain me. The shortage of them is massive. Britain is 50th in the world for the number of psychiatrist for head of population. A review of my meds would very likely lead to a reduction. I am thinking of asking my gp to write a letter to the psychiatrist for advice.

How are you?

God bless
Debs xx

[Isap]

Hello Debs

Thanks for asking after me. venlafaxine is working up to a point. I have motivation to meditate, send messages, and reduce other medication. Anxiety still there.

My wife's salary is low so I don't like asking her to send money. I try to ask a different friend or relative for financial assistance each time. £150 is 2 months of meals, water and phone credit.

My old millionaire uncle in Canada refused. So did this friend who's a rich banker in Thailand. His laughable reply is worth posting here

" Hi, sorry for delay.

To be honest mate it’s not the amount but that I can only see it needing to be a regular thing, which I’m not in a position to do due to family commitments."

family commitments = tequila shots and prostitutes

He spends more on a night out by himself than I was asking for. The most upsetting thing was not the refusal (I expected it - it was more of a "friendship" test than a genuine request), but that he is assuming I'll be in jail for a lot longer.

Also, I'm back on a low dose of venlafaxine 112.5mg. My wife's insurance can get maximum 150mg. So I've ordered generics from an unlicensed online pharmacy in India. Sounds dodgy but with careful research this site is honest, no prescription needed.
An old friend from uni paid for it. A real friend.

Always something to worry about here though

God bless

Chris xx

[caro]

Hello Chris

Your message confirmed what i have always thought. Those with the most money are less likely to give.
My son is disabled, and we often do charity events to raise money for the disabled childrens playground. People who are dressed modestly give generously, but those in designer clothes and expensive cars often turn away as if we are invisible.
Like you say, when in your position, you quickly find out who your true friends are.

I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, followed by a major operation on Thursday.
My anxiety is sky high.

Thinking of you xx