I don't know how you cope. What I go through is far less than you but I find it such a struggle. My fears tell me all sorts of rubbish which I can't get out my head. I know we shouldn't compare but I really admire you for coping. If you could see my life you'd think I was a fraud. The truth is I'm a big baby. My husband once said depression makes you weak and forces you to be strong.
At the charity shop yesterday my manager who is lovely but a snob told me by the look on her face during a conversation that she was better than me (to do with materialistic success, she's always boasting) . Tbh it just can't bother me and something tells me she has problems in her life. Just a little bit of useless information.
It's dark and wintery or wintry.
I really hope something good happens in your life soon.
I am so sorry for you in this struggle. IS wish so much that a positive would come your way. The lack of justice in your life, in the world makes it an awful situation. If you had done something that called for punishment then it might be easier. When we are treated to injustice.. ... well you know better than me.
I'm sorry though that your mood is so poor. Don't worry if you can't answer, I understand.
I think the pregabalin is having some effect. Things are definitely a bit better. My daughter has just gone off sick with anxiety so I am doing all I can to avoid worrying about her. It wouldn't be good to let her mood bring mine down