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Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 6:54 pm
by deb1960
Rant away Isap. We need to do that. Physical illness just adds to it all and I can't begin to imagine what it must be like being ill in jail with that.

I wish I could give you some advice. I am thinking of you though and will say a prayer for you tonight.

Take care, Debs xx

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 10:23 pm
by breatheinandout
Ranting is fine Isap, in fact I'm sure its good for us!

Sorry to hear how things are for everyone, thinking of you this evening and hope it passes.

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:10 am
by Isap
Hi Debs and Biak

Thanks for your kind comments. They really do help me survive.

I saw the psychiatrist today first time in 2 months. Very good compassionate lady. She said she thinks I now have major depression with anxiety symptoms. Too dangerous to change medication though.

Thanks for the prayers. I pray for you too.

Isap xx

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:07 pm
by amaya
Hi Isap I just read your thread for the first time. You are dealing with a lot and I find your strength inspiring. What country are you in and where do you come from if you don't mind me asking?

I have been reading Jon Kabat Zinn on mindfulness and he says it is okay when you find many thoughts and feelings arising, you can accept them without having to push them away or hang on to them. The important thing is to be aware of them whilst staying in the present moment. By observing instead of being carried away by them you find that they pass naturally. Having a completely clear mind is something that never happened to me, even when I meditate. So I find his advice helpful, because I can be the observer of all of it without trying to hard to achieve a particular state. I find this helps me to accept myself. I don't know if you are praticing the same kind of mindfulness but I thought you might find that interesting.

Thanks for sharing with us :)

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:32 am
by Isap
Hi A may a

Nice to hear from you. I'm from the UK but haven't lived there for years.

I've heard of Jon KZ who was the first to take mindfulness out of Buddhism and make it mainstream.

He has inspired many and the guided mindfulness I do is no doubt influenced by him. Doing my best to stay in the present is the most I can do.

Hope you are doing OK yourself you have been very good replying to people since you joined here.

Isap x

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 5:42 am
by Isap
Well I got over the pulmonary infection with mint tea and paracetamol, the depression eased and the vacuum filled with anxiety and its unpleasant physical symptoms. Mornings are terrible and I got nowhere to go. Even got my exercise schedule cut 4 days a week because I don't have s court order authorising it.

Court hearing in 2 weeks. The waiting is unbearable its as if my life depends on it which isn't far from the truth. If there is any justice in this world the judge will dismiss the two ridiculous charges against me and give me bail on the third
then I can plan ahead.

All support and prayers gratefully received

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 8:15 am
by teamn

I've just read this thread for the first time, I'll be praying for you from now on, thankyou so much for taking time to comment on my post. I truly understand why you don't have energy to respond to all post, with the current experience your going through. I'll be praying and sends no good vibes out for the 6th. How are you feeling today, is today an exercise day fir you, I remember reading it was cutton4 days. I think your incredibly strong willed, focussed and positive considering all your facing, makes my hostel worries seems irrelevant in comparison.

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:14 am
by Isap
Hi team n

Thanks for your lovely reply.

Your worries are not irrelevant, what's more, you have children to look after.

I got out for 30inutes exercise today, it was as usual a struggle to get permission and it should be automatic.

The problem is that I'm in a maximum security cell which is locked all day. I chose there because its the only cell for just 2 people. But I have to share with a psychopath. Its still better than being in a cell with 100 - 160 inmates. The overcrowding here defies belief.

Thanks again for your support and prayers.

Isap xx

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:59 am
by teamn
I'm so glad you got your excercise, and I apologise fir my spelling, I have my daughter crawling over me most of the time, trying to grab the iPad, so I did not often have time to recheck before I press

I agree sharing with one person rather than 100 was better option, I can't imagine that sharing with psychopath helpS your anxiety though. That's one thing to remember though, when you feel anxious sometimes think is it how you feel or are you picking up on the chaos of your environment, this makes it easy to be calmer, recognising it's not you it's everything else, and sometimes it easier to let it go, as you can't right now control your environment only can control self.. these are the things that my friend and I have been doing to help us recognise what's going on internally fir us and externally.. nice speaking with you ..look forward to you have a JW visit today, or are you by yourself fir rest of day..

Re: How are things progressing Isap

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:35 pm
by Isap
Hi teamn

I agree with what you said about environment v self. For me though I find it difficult to separate the two. I spend most of my day lying down lifeless on a dirty mattress in a small space but am in general separated from much of the chaos although there are noisy people walking about all day long. The noise level in the other cells is insane, most have a TV which is plugged into a speaker and played at full volume. I was in one of them before when it only had 60 inmates.

The psychopath has OCD and narcisticc personality disorder, but has some good points too which I try to focus on. He is a foreigner too.

I am 8 hours ahead of you timewise so had the JW visit. I will never slam a door in their face again. Much of their doctrine is commendable e.g. they don't celebrate Xmas or believe in hell. However, some of their ideas are crackpot. I'm just glad to have s visitor because no family or friends here.

Is your name Natalie? Hope I'm not confusing with anyone else. Just remember the hostel isn't forever, you'll be able to sort things out when you get stronger.

I keep in myself this is only temporary but the uncertainty is hard to deal with its a cruel and inhumane system.

All the best

Isap xx