How are things progressing Isap

[deb1960]

Hi Isap,

I hope you don't mind me addressing a thread specifically to you. I have spoken briefly on another thread but don't know if you saw it.

How are things going with your court case? The justice system seems to be a joke where you are and that in itself must break some people. You know you are strong but that doesn't make it easier. We can know we will always fight yet every day can be an enormous struggle.

Take care, Debs xx

[Isap]

Hi Debs

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments despite the suffering you are going through yourself.

The situation at present is that the prosecutors submitted their evidence in June and my lawyer disputed it. The judge was supposed to make a ruling on it in July but was absent from my hearing, not that he was ready anyway.

I no longer mail my lawyer directly since the tone of her replies are always so pessimistic so my brother in law deals with her. A couple of days ago he mailed me to say she was expecting the judge to uphold her complaint despite the fact he used to be a prosecutor himself. This means she would be able to file a motion to get the case dismissed.

The law is on my side since the police acted totally illegally in my arrest and charged me without any evidence, but the judge can overrule the law if he wants. This country has the slowest and worst legal system in the world.

I may have a hearing on Tuesday but lawyer refuses to confirm it. I don't know what's going on.

Thanks again for thinking of me, your kind support really helps. I'll keep you posted of any positive developments.

Isap xx

[deb1960]

Hi Isap

Thanks for getting back to me. I very much look forward to the day when you can start an altogether different thread telling us of your release.

Have you ever had training in coping, other than the stuff of mental illness. I ask this because I'm not sure too many people could handle your situation. Given you have depression and anxiety you're holding up well, albeit you perhaps don't think it. I really admire your ability to stay sane, and I mean that without irony.

Take care, Debs xx

[Isap]

Hi Debs

Thanks for your nice comments as always. I don't feel as bad as usual today so have the willpower to answer your question.

Firstly, I've had anxiety and depression all my life
In 2001 I thought I was a goner until venlafaxine kicked in miraculously after 6 weeks. So illness wise I've been worse than now. I learnt that at the very least you must force yourself to eat 3 times a day and keep yourself clean and shaven.

Since going to jail 3 years ago this November, I've had some terrible periods but made sure I do at least one 30 minute yoga session per day and 10-20 minutes mindfulness practice. The mindfulness took over a year before I felt any benefit but I can now sometimes but not always keep s blank mind.

The other thing was reading or listening to self help stuff, Claire Weekes is my guru.

My wife calls me e very night and best friend once weekly. So does my brother but he's not very good at giving support. Your good self and the other good people here is my other source of support. I've tried all the other MH forums and abandoned them all.

Most of the time I have little motivation and spend most of the day listening to stress relief music, mainly classical, jazz and bossa nova. I can't listen to pop any more, every song finds me too much of happier times.

And finally Im more into religion than ever before like most prisoners here. You have to believe in a God. I do weekly bible study with a Jehovah's Witness, I would never allow them to baptise me especially as I was born a Catholic but any spiritual assistance from any recognised religion is beneficial. I have no other visitors so the Jehovah's Witness buys me food and brings my medication that my wife sends him. He's a real godsend.

And believe it or not, I now get to see a real psychiatrist every month, the one before was crap and they stopped taking me to see him anyway but this woman is good and compassionate and giving me good advice

Next hearing is October 23rd so praying for a speedy resolution.

Basically, I must try to stay I'm the present moment. Past is irrelevant, future unknowable

Isap xx

[deb1960]

Hi Isap

Thank you for telling me that Isap. Sticking at mindfulness for so long before it worked just shows that it's worth carrying on regardless. I think I'm beginning to learn that about my mental health generally.

Venlafaxine saved the day for me too in2002. Fortunately it's still working for me and I just hope it always does.

Perhaps you've been forced to be an expert in your illness and I'm glad it helps you cope. I just hope things improve soon so that you can work at recovery.

Debs xx

[Isap]

Hi Debs and anyone else bored enough to read this

Nothing in particular but just felt like writing something, I'm not going to make this a blog. I have learnt a lot about mental illness and neurology in jail, whether its helped me is another thing but I've become good at diagnosing others. Bipolar is really common here but few take medication for it. I'd rather be here than in a refugee camp.

Two traps we must not fall into is self pity or complaining "why me". Some will say there is a reason for everything but I'm not sure about that. Many of us would agree we've suffered enough already and for no other reason than being unlucky. That's why we need to develop some kind of pride in suffering. And also remember there are thousands if not millions suffering along with us. What else can you do.

Buddhism offers a lot of comfort for those in mental distress. I cant get You Tube because it eats up my daily data allowance but the talks bythe British monk Ajahn Brahm are worth listening to.

Isap xx

[deb1960]

It's not boring Isap. I like discussing mental illness because it colours all my life.

I no longer say why me but I'm sure I used to think it some level. By and large I don't feel sorry for myself but on very bad days I think I probably do.

As you say Isap millions of people are suffering in the world. I used to think mental illness was the worst but I suppose there are many different ways of suffering.

Debs xx

[Isap]

Hi Debs

In rich countries mental suffering is as bad as it gets.

In my jail, 3-5 people a month die of HIV, TB and e ven malnutrition, mostly drug addicts.

Today I saw a prison guard shoot someone in the back. The victim was in agony and they laughed at him.

I won't go on about it

I believe in heaven but not hell. There's no need for a hell when we can experience it on earth.

Isap xx

[deb1960]

Hi Isap

What you see in jail shocks me but doesn't surprise me. A priest I know once told me that no matter what horrors you can imagine, it's already been done.

For sure hell is on this earth. Though today I sat next to someone on the bus who believes in reincarnation. That's fine but she is sure my fear is something deep rooted and maybe from a past life. On one occasion she suggested I'd killed myself in a previous life. I think she should stick to talking about her own lives and leave my life alone.

Take care,
Debs xx

Btw a psychiatrist, Frankl was in a concentration camp during the war. Later he went on to write a book about the behaviour of people there. I didn't read it all but it was interesting. I don't think you'll want to write about this but you must witness things that the rest of us are fortunate enough not to be aware of.

[Isap]

Hi Debs

Sorry to hear about the idiot woman on the bus. Believing in reincarnation is fine but she's obviously not a Buddhist or wouldn't have come up with such a stupid statement.

I listened to Victor Frankl's book recently. Actually quite inspiring and he doesn't dwell on the horrors which we all know about. He noticed that those who survived were the ones with loved ones in their life, not necessarily the strongest and fittest.

Just keep on doing what you're doing

Isap xx