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Re: Alone.

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:14 am
by teamn
Hi em

Just catching up on few posts, a lot to read so I haven't read all pages yet, you sound like you've been through it in past month, hope your much better, well done on the job. I used to work with homeless young people abs vulnerable adults assisting them with housing and general life skills, and badyckly anything they required, very rewarding work, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

And hope you enjoy you fete too

Re: Alone.

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:32 am
by littleem
Hey teamn!

Thanks for posting!

Hehe yeah, a lot to read alright! I tend to waffle/rant from time to time! Haha!

Things have been tough yeah, but I'm certainly moving in the right direction!

Your previous work sounds great and very rewarding. I'm sure I will love working with the homeless. I've done a lot of voluntary work in this sector and I've loved it so it will be exciting and a good move to get into employment now too!

Thanks. I will post an update about the fete tomorrow.

How are things with you?

Hope you're as well as you can be right now. Take care of yourself,

Em xx

Re: Alone.

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:16 am
by andthistoomustpass

I like my anonymity here so I don't talk about my work or work related study publicly but thanks for asking.

It is a stressful job by definition, everyone is stressed but my stress will reduce when the study is complete. The job is also very triggering for those with anxiety and low self esteem but that is what makes it a good choice for me, it forces me out of my comfort zone and helps me to cope better with life and feel better about myself for coping with challenges and achieving the (for me) 'unachievable'. It can also be rewarding in other ways. I have idle dreams of switching track to something less stressful and more socially rewarding, maybe one day.

I will have a bit of time in December. Definitely take in a show or a play or something, maybe more than one.

Well done on the job! I am a little worried about it being full time straight away...
I hope that if it gets too much you don't blame yourself and just try harder, I hope you remember you are a human being and take time out.

The shelter sounds like it will be incredibly rewarding though. Very tough too I am sure but I suspect you will be able to cope and I am sure you will help so many people. To be on the safe side I'll repeat your advice to me to take time for yourself. I hope you remember to put yourself first, if you burn yourself out, run yourself into the ground or give too much to some then you won't be much help to anyone else.

All that sounds a bit negative, I wanted to say it but I also want to say how pleased I am that you may have found an outlet for your compassion, a job you can feel is worthwhile. I hope it will be a great fit for you and I am sure it will be more rewarding than selling cookies.

Kidneys... angry on your behalf, I know how worrying that was. What on earth was she thinking piling more stress on you at a time like that! At least you are free of her now.

Definitely love to hear about the fete, Good luck! I won't hold my breath for the photos though :lol:


Re: Alone.

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 8:44 pm
by littleem
Hello there!!

How's it going? Hope you've had a good day today!

Okay, I totally respect that. Please know I wasn't being nosey. I only asked because I was interested in what interests you!

Maybe I shouldn't say this but when you described the stress of your job I wondered if you were doing it to punish yourself? I only say this because last year when I was volunteering in Bosnia and India I was pushing myself to the absolute limit. I kept telling myself then that it was good for me because it was pushing me to 'die to self' and overcome difficult is etc. But in reality, it was the trigger that started me falling onto the road of ending up with a tube! I'm sorry if I sound negative here, I just don't want you to punish yourself. If you dream of doing something less stressful and more social, explore that desire maybe....? Do what makes you happy. You deserve that. Okay, my lecture over. I only say this because I care about you. Forgive me if I'm way off.

Any particular shows and plays you fancy? You definitely should treat yourself in December!

Fete went well last night. A tad quiet but so glad I did it! Potentially doing another one tomorrow night, too!

My trial shift today went SO WELL!!! It flew by! They said they could see I enjoyed it, that I did really well and that I fitted in really well. There's another person on a trial Friday morning and so I will know Friday afternoon. Really hope I get it! Having the structure of full time work, I feel, will help my depression. As long as I continue to nourish my body, I won't burn out either. Much better than cookies, yeah! Haha!

Saw the GP this morning. Got the old osteoporosis back but it can improve with tablets. She was so lovely and pleased about how I'm doing. I'm still half a kilo less than my hospital discharge weight but I'm not restricting so it's just my body getting used to things I guess. Also upped ye old sertraline to 150mg. Hope that will give me that extra little lift.

CMHT still don't know when the CBT will start so I contacted my private therapist. I can't be arsed to wait five years for a therapy session haha!

Hope all is well with you, my friend!!

Ciao for now,

Em xxx

Re: Alone.

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 9:57 pm
by andthistoomustpass
Hi Em!

So glad the trial went so well with great feedback! Fingers crossed for Friday!

The fete was a little quiet... From your descriptions of the town I was imagining a few zombies wandering around a cobwebbed hall :o I'm glad you are not discouraged, I get the feeling that one of your strenghlems (my new word for a strength which can also be a problem) is that you find it hard to accept less than perfection and I am wondering if your hopes were a little too high, ie sold out in first 5 minutes and being carried out of the fete on the shoulders of your amazed and grateful customers? Every journey starts with a single step and you seem to be making strides :) Sounds like a great start! Hopefully you will get to the other fete tomorrow and then there's the (proper) farmers market with all the cash floating around too!

Nosey? Not at all! I'd love to tell you a bit about it just a touch paranoid about being identified and besides my employers value their privacy too. Don't fancy explaining ATTMP to HR :roll:

Punishing myself? Firstly, nothing to forgive! After all, I made huge and likely inaccurate assumptions about you a couple of paragraphs ago :lol: I don't think I am. I really disliked my last job and moved mountains to get out. I want to succeed at this and then evaluate how I feel about the job when my mental health has stabilised. I promise I have no intention of feeling this stressed long term. Thanks for caring :)

Shows, not decided. I will see what is on and grab whatever seat is available at the time.

Osteoporosis! Are you sure you aren't one of the local dodderers!? ;) Seriously, wow, never considered the range of impacts of anorexia, you really do have nine lives! Glad it will get better with treatment and your GP sounds like a good 'un. Hopefully 150mg will help the mood. Glad you are going to your therapist too. You can always stop when the CMT have a space for you. The lack of funding in the NHS really is a scandal.

Bosnia!? You never mentioned that. You really are Dora the Explorer!

I'm sat in library, Oh well, study break over.

Take super care of yourself my wonderful friend and keep me in the loop!


I won't have access to my gmail account until I get home. I'll assume the photos are in my inbox shall I? *cough, cough* hehehe.

Re: Alone.

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:30 pm
by littleem

Hope your email wasn't too clogged up with five hundred million photographs of flower pots....? It will be, honest! One day. Imagine how awesome that unexpected day will be though haha!

Thanks for your encouragement about the job. Okay, as long as you're not punishing yourself. Glad you're looking to see some shows. I love a good musical myself. I also saw Edward Scissorhands the ballet once which was awesome. I think I told you that I love Tim Burton films?!

You're probably right about the fete. I can set my bar way too high, but I'm getting much better at being kinder to myself, keeping positive despite not meeting my expectations and hopes and at being more realistic and accepting of my strengths, normal human limitations and my successes. My first fete was an excellent first step!

Hahahahaha!! I never even thought of that with regards to the osteoporosis! I really do belong in this zombie town!

Yes! I lived in Bosnia for six months. It was incredible and so good in many, many ways. But the person in charge where I was working.... It was difficult. They were sickly sweet. Fake. Manipulative. They played on my (and others) insecurities. For me, this was the insecure feeling of not being good enough and the insecurities I had around food and my weight. It was a huge tried trigger and was the root of my relapse this year. I should never have stayed there, but I did so that's a useless thought. I will never stay in an environment like that again ever. It has taught me to have so much more self respect, self care, self preservation and confidence. That experience is in the past now anyways.

Hope you get a good rest tonight. Don't work too hard!

Take care of yourself xxx

Re: Alone.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:52 am
by andthistoomustpass

Edward Scissor Hands the Ballet sounds immense! I'd love that.

Bosnia, such a shame about the person in charge. I can't be doing with manipulative people, manipulative bullies even less so.

The photos, with spin like that you really should be a politician. :D

I hope you get good news about the job this afternoon. Let me know.


Re: Alone.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 10:23 am
by littleem

I sent the photos to your email!!! Honestly! Check it out!

Yeah, the ballet was awesome!

I will pop you a message later and let you know how I get on with the job.

Have a lovely day you lovely person!


Re: Alone.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:09 pm
by sirhugo
hi little em. i just wanted to say that i have read a lot of your posts and i find you to be amazing. the positive spirit you manage to keep despite all your issues is inspiring.

i noticed that you mentioned that you can fell "numb" and "disconnected" from people. this is exactly the same issue that i have. i think it comes from being let down and disappointed by the
world so often that i stopped caring to protect myself from the misery.

i hope you continue to improve because you deserve it. take care x :D

Re: Alone.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:30 pm
by andthistoomustpass
Hi Embers!

I'll look forward to hearing about the job. Strange about the photos, did you send them to the address on my SANE profile?

I'm always lovely to lovely people.