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Suicidal thoughts

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lou040901
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 12:25 am

Suicidal thoughts

Postby lou040901 » Thu May 11, 2017 9:08 pm

Today is another day were I want to end my own life. I hate myself more then anyone could. I have even started writing my goodbyes to my family and friends because I don't know how long I have left. I need to start pushing people away but I love them too much to let them go, which is selfish. They care so much about me and all I can do is repay it with suicidal thoughts. I wish I didn't feel like this. I have lost people I really cared about because of this fucking depression. It has consumed me and I'm just about ready to give up and let it take over. I can't keep up. For eight and a half years I have tried to keep up and I have just about managed but now I'm falling behind and am being drowned. I just wish I would all end. If I don't wake up tomorrow just know I don't care.

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count-brakula
Posts: 297
Joined: Sun Sep 13, 2015 7:32 am
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Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby count-brakula » Fri May 12, 2017 7:43 am

Hi lou,
I'm sorry to hear that you're in a very dark place at the moment. Battling with depression is always exhausting and can seem futile at times. Something that has helped me during some of my lowest patches is making a commitment to be there for those I care about. I find it much easier to endure this hell for the sake of others than I do solely for myself. It definitely feels like the depression will rob us of everything we love if we let it.
Try to stay strong and I hope things start easing up soon.
Take care,
Mike.

Isap
Posts: 1843
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby Isap » Fri May 12, 2017 8:01 am

Hi Lou

I echo Mike's sentiments completely. You admit there are still people who care about you and its for them that you must continue living.

Suicidal thoughts are just thoughts. They do not represent truth or reality. Admittedly getting rid of those thoughts is not easy but can be done.

Destroy those goodbye letters you have written. Depression always lifts. You are currently experiencing a setback. It happens to us all and is horrible because you think you have slipped right back. That is just memory, another kind of thought.

Call the Samaritans for a chat. It will help.

Stay strong

Isap x

Isap
Posts: 1843
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby Isap » Fri May 12, 2017 10:18 am

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-ex ... relax.html

Listen to the comforting and informative words of Claire Weekes.

This horrible illness can be overcome, even without the help of medication.

At the moment your only job is to keep breathing

You'll be OK

Isap x

Isap
Posts: 1843
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby Isap » Fri May 12, 2017 1:37 pm

It might help a little if you repeat these sentences to yourself, even better if you write down

All I have to do right now is keep breathing. That's my only job, just breathe

I'm doing the best I can

I've felt this way before and survived. I can get through this now.

This feeling won't last forever. It will eventually fade

Feeling like I can't cope doesn't mean I can't cope

How I feel right now is just the way things are right now

The way I'm feeling is perfectly natural under the circumstances

take care and check back with us, we care about you

Isap

janine123
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 10:28 am

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby janine123 » Fri May 12, 2017 8:07 pm

Hi Lou

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I have recently joined SANE after having had a bad weekend during which I felt nobody understood - or cared - how bad things can get when I am feeling down. You have done well to reach out, plenty of people around here understand these feelings. I am feeling a lot better this weekend, I hope you will too over the next few days. When you are feeling better you will be able to offer support. Until then, call the Samaritans if you are in serious difficulty or NHS 24.

This too will pass
Janine

rsxo
Posts: 1328
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby rsxo » Fri May 12, 2017 9:34 pm

Hi Lou,

Depression is a vicious cycle - it makes you feel worse, which makes you feel like its not worth trying to help yourself, making it progressively worse.

What people have said above is right - you admit that you care about people close to you. It's them you have to fight for. Fight for the right to live, fight for your friends, your family. In the end, it's an uphill battle, but one definitely worth trying to win!

Also, you imply that depression is taking over your life. But you're not just a person with depression, you are Lou, the friend, the relative, the child, the cousin, and so on! There is so much more to you than a mental health condition, so don't let it define or restrict you - be you!!

Much love <3
RSxo <3

lou040901
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 12:25 am

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby lou040901 » Sat May 13, 2017 12:15 am

Hey guys thank you all for your love and words of comfort. I will try do the things you have suggested but I have already tried the Samaritans but they didn't work for me at all. The main reason I am still alive is because of my family and friends. I have lost friends and people I cared about because of my depression and that's why I also label myself because that's what everyone sees. My parents don't know about my suicidal thoughts and shit, they think it's just a phase. They say things like "stop, you are going to make yourself depressed." And " stop only finding negatives in yourself." I hate to let them down. I can tell they are disappointed.

Isap
Posts: 1843
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby Isap » Sat May 13, 2017 5:41 am

Hi Lou

Glad youre still with us

Just an idea, but could you get someone who understands to talk to your parents on your behalf? they obviously care but dont know how to support you.

Like most of us you're probably relying too much on medication which is only half the story and also sounds like whatever you're on isn't working great.

mindfulness
yoga
Mind support group
swimming
jogging/walking
voluntary work
ACT or CBT counsell ing

are a few ideas. Obviously not easy to motivate yourself to do, but I think you need to force yourself a little bit to kick start your recovery

take care

Isap x

rsxo
Posts: 1328
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Postby rsxo » Sat May 13, 2017 9:04 am

lou040901 wrote:Hey guys thank you all for your love and words of comfort. I will try do the things you have suggested but I have already tried the Samaritans but they didn't work for me at all. The main reason I am still alive is because of my family and friends. I have lost friends and people I cared about because of my depression and that's why I also label myself because that's what everyone sees. My parents don't know about my suicidal thoughts and shit, they think it's just a phase. They say things like "stop, you are going to make yourself depressed." And " stop only finding negatives in yourself." I hate to let them down. I can tell they are disappointed.


Hi Lou,

The reality is, no parent wants to admit that their child is suffering from a mental health condition, so they will act as if nothing's wrong. In fact, they refuse to accept that it's happened to their child, and the societal connotations of that. That's why it's so important to break the social stigma surrounding mental health.

Much love <3
RSxo <3


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