With nurse practitioner. Not looking forward to it. She'll probably be negative because I bombed out on the Richmond fellowship thing and haven't chased up the therapy company she gave me a leaflet for. Main reason for the latter is it's heavy on CBT, and in my opinion a psychiatric lifetime of ignoring life events and how they have affected me has been half the problem. It's all well and fine them suggesting things but if they don't help with or acknowledge the issues/difficulties you have -it's rather pointless. The trouble is they see things through a narrow lens and are blind to anything else that might have a bearing on your functioning,quality of life and well being .
Went to the appointment in the end. It was quite a long one. The main topic of conversation was getting me out of the flat more. Have been given details for a Tuesday drop in that's within my comfort zone . Tried talking about the social interaction difficulties but she insisted because I had been married for nearly 19 years I had no problems with relationships. This contrasts with the pdoc previously saying I had very poor social skills. She wasn't rude on this issue but tended to play it down. She said I was an introverted ,introspective type and would never be the life and soul of the party and that social skills wouldn't change that(but there are other things social skills support might have helped with in my opinion) Had a good talk about the medication- effects and side effects. Said it helped with weird thoughts,paranoia(not reacting so much when I felt paranoid/threatened ) and having lots of things unconnected to main train of thought entering my head( she mentioned the words thought disorder and that a purpose of medication is to help you think more clearly) but not with drive and motivation. She said that tended to be the case that the medication helped with what they call positive symptoms but not necessarily with the negative ones. Also she asked about mood. Said I wasn't sure about depression because I didn't feel overtly sad and tearful but tended to feel hopeless and worthless. Finally she took my blood pressure(126/76) and weight. Weight was in kgs(108.6) so I had to convert it to lbs when I got in. In the space of about a month I've gone from about 258 lbs to 240 without making a conscious effort to diet.
The mention of the drop in is frustrating. She gave the road(Clarence) but not what number. Said it was at SAVS but SAVS are at Alexandra street. Have done a google for drop ins in Clarence road and nothing turns up.
Thanks for looking .I did check that one before but she said Clarence road not Clarence street(though she could have been wrong on that). Also she said it was from 12 and that drop in ends at 12. If it's that one it's not a very long drop in (90 mins).
That is frustrating that she mentioned a drop in but without the correct details so you can find it and attend. I'm wondering if it's worth trying to call the office and ask for the drop in details even if you can't speak to her its something someone else might be able to tell you.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"