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Everything's gone into slow motion!

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Bepositivekeepstrong
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:19 pm

Everything's gone into slow motion!

Postby Bepositivekeepstrong » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:02 pm

I was just hoping for some advice from people who have overcome a suicidal state of mind and the aftermath of those terrible thoughts...

It's not the first time, nor will it be the last, however last week I fell into the most depressive state I've ever been in and battled thoughts of suicide for 3 days straight, to be honest I scared myself a lot.
Now I'm just about over those thoughts, but not exactly feeling 'happy', nor am I feeling sad.. I'm just feeling numb, lazy and don't know what to do with my days. I have things I need to get done yet I just sit for hours on end staring at the PC!

My boyfriend is supportive but at times doesn't really know what to say or how to help me but I feel that he is slowly bringing himself to take steps to break up with me, he mentions this every now and then. He is amazing, we have known each other for 9 years before we got together, however I've seen my behavior is taking it's toll on him recently. He wants me to get a job and keep busy but I'm not sure that's the best plan of action right now.

I have considered going onto ESA as I have just won a 6 week battle to get my benefits back after finishing a part-time job where I was bullied and led to panic attacks on shift. The reason my benefits where stopped was because the jobcentre lost my P45 3 times and the fight has left me stressed and tired, and I don't think working right now will do me any good.

I have filled in the ESA form but I am unsure as to whether or not I can actually find the energy to put up a fight if my claim is turned down. I have no luck with the jobcentre, many times I have been left to starve because of their mistakes, in a way, punished for their incompetence!

I want to make my boyfriend proud, I want to show him I can succeed and I want to get better but I'm stuck in a rut, since moving to another town I have become quite lonely and for financial reasons have not been able to visit friends. He has such drive and passion and since graduating in Biomedical Sciences has been really productive and gained more qualifications and I feel I'm dragging him down.

I want to be the confident, passionate girlfriend but there's some barrier that stops me each time I try and I just don't know what to do anymore. I try and keep busy but at the moment my energy has gone and I don't know where to start!

If anyone has had this numb and lazy feeling before can you let me know what has helped you through it and can anyone advise me on the ESA claim please it would be much appreciated!

I hope you are all doing ok, if anyone needs help through a rough patch where you do not want to be here anymore, then I hope I can help you.. because SOMEHOW, I got through it and I'm glad to be here now, I just don't know what to do now I am still here!!

Think of your stresses as hurdles and face them head on, when you climb over them, only then can you let out that sigh. Relief rather than grief!

Much love to the people of sane. I have faith in you. Have faith in me. Be strong and believe.

X

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: Everything's gone into slow motion!

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:04 pm

Hi,

I'm not sure I can be of much help, but I'll try. Your post resonates a lot of strength and courage (although you may not feel it at the moment).

Loved ones generally find it very hard to deal with suicidal thoughts/feelings and depression. It can be very draining to be around someone (my family and friends told me this) and it is important to have some down time. Have you tried speaking to your boyfriend about the situation?

Are you in treatment btw? Medication?

If you don't feel up to working, then it is probably too early to think about it. I'm afraid I don't have any experience with the benefits system. But I can understand how daunting it feels knowing how much effort it may be to get ESA. Would your boyfriend be able to support you?

Sorry, I feel my thoughts are a bit chaotic...

Activities are important although it can be very hard to find the energy. Try to set a small goal, that is achievable, so just one thing and if it's only 15 minutes. Trying to do too much never works out. Do you have an idea what you could do?

I've been where you are at the moment and I never know how I made it through, but I'm here and I did ;). It is scary to think about what could have happened and I always feel very panicky, when I get past the point of being very suicidal. But it usually helps to make me work on getting better. But that is easier said than done. Don't give up now.

Take care! And feel free to write here. We're listening! x

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

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judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: Everything's gone into slow motion!

Postby judithj » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:32 pm

Make sure that your National Insurance number is on EVERYTHING you send to the jobcentre - preferably on every page. If you can't get someone to help with your form, http://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/employ ... hat-is-esa is a really helpful site: look at the descriptors for ESA and try to make sure that what you say about your health relates to these. It's a good idea to rough out your answers on blank paper first, hugs xxx

Bepositivekeepstrong
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:19 pm

Re: Everything's gone into slow motion!

Postby Bepositivekeepstrong » Tue Oct 29, 2013 1:35 pm

Thankyou for taking time to help me out, it's much appreciated!

Sorry I haven't got back in touch, my energy is still low but I'm keeping busy and going for long walks that really helps me de-stress! I know what you mean about feeling panicky too, I think I'm going to speak to in-house mental health team at my jobcentre and find out my options, I have spoken to the manager of the jobcentre who told me I can ask for him at any time. So that's a handy contact to have at least!

I'm feeling a bit more positive, apart from having to take my two kitties to the vets with vomitting and diarrhea today, they should be ok but it's had me busy since 6 this morning and I missed out on a free ride to Leeds to visit my friends for the first time in 6months!! I couldn't leave the cats though I couldn't live with myself if anything happened, they are my spoilt minions and they've helped me through rough times, love them to bits. Hope they don't poo in this carrier though they will be covered in it! Ahh buses as well, last time I went to the vets It ended in escaping cat and panic attack, I was sick everywhere.. being dropped off in the middle of nowhere by the bus driver and scratched to death trying to hold the kitty from running off after making 3 holes in the carrier, escaping and being miles away from the vets, lucky that a lady took me nearer to the place but couldn't find it, the vet drove out to rescue us!! Be warned. Cardboard cat carriers are useless! :P

I have got some advice from Mind about ESA so I will just wait for now and weigh up my options, I don't want to throw myself into anything that will cause more stress than it's worth just yet!

Thankyou again for your kind words, I hope you are both well!

x


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