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how to cope alone?

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
potsandpans
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Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:56 am

Yes, you do qualify for JSA...right up to the moment that you start work.

After that, you might qualify for the NHS low income scheme (Google it and apply). Your GP practice should have an application form. I have just started work after being unemployed for two years and I didn't pay for any of my prescriptions during that time. My income even now is only about £12,500pa, so I still qualify for free prescriptions.

potsandpans
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:08 am

It's up to you whether you tell your parents. I'm assuming you still live with them, so they do support you financially. If you're right and they really don't acknowledge your depression, it won't make any difference anyway. However, you can't then blame them for not helping you.

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Sat Nov 02, 2013 5:48 am

Well I've applied for JSA but waiting for the call to go in for my assessment. I unfortunately then won't qualify as low income.

The don't acknowledge the depression but they also don't treat me the same when they know and make me feel little - I couldn't tell them regardless of people saying it might help - I've been there and done it twice and won't be doing it again - sorry! I don't blame them for not helping me...

potsandpans
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:23 pm

Your JSA should be backdated to the day when you applied for it and will be paid until the day before you start work. I'm assuming you haven't built up National Insurance credits through work, so it will be income-related, which will qualify you for free prescriptions. You can also apply for a refund for your last prescription if it was issued after you first applied for JSA. If you're under 25, JSA won't be much, but will be enough to pay for prescriptions. "Low income" is considered to be somewhere about £15,500 (can't remember exactly). If you haven't worked since April of this year, you will pay very little income tax (if any). You should get yourself a pre-paid prescription certificate. It'll cost you a bit to start with, but worth it, because you can then be prescribed any number of medications and the certificate will cover it. I'm surprised your GP didn't explain this, but you might find that the receptionists know more about it.

I can understand why you don't want to talk to your parents, but they will notice how you are anyway and possibly just think you're lazy and a loser, so it doesn't make much difference whether you tell them or not. The relationship you have with them obviously isn't good and I seriously think you need some counselling about the feelings you have of not living up to their expectations of you. It might be that you never will (depending what their expectations are), so it's important that you start finding the real you and start being successful for yourself.

I write as somebody who was a disappointment to her own parents many years ago and now has a 21 year old daughter, who is accusing me of being the same. I'm not going to go into details, but it's a combination of these two issues which has been the main trigger for my current depression. I soooo wish my daughter, my mother and I could all talk openly, because none of us are bad people, but there needs to be more honesty and mutual respect. Before he died, my father realised that relationships and inner happiness are more important than the external trappings of success - in my case, sport - but it was too late and it makes me sad that I lost out on what could have been a good relationship with him. (Sorry! I realise that your situation is probably very different.)

potsandpans
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:25 pm

By the way...

Congratulations on finding a job with a salary which isn't considered "low income"! :D

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:40 pm

I'm sorry to hear your story - I know it doesn't take a lot at the moment to put me in tears but that has because I can relate to it.

If I can apply for a refund then that would help, but I'm still waiting for my assessment so nothing at the moment. I have worked a couple of day events with a part time casual contract I have but it's nothing much because I have been so busy on my placements for uni and writing up final year assignments. I forgot about the prescription certificate but need to make sure it's worth it for me...

They do think I am lazy but they think me having depression is an excuse for me to be lazy! I'm sure many people have success and support after telling family but it's not the same for me and I can't risk my health getting any worse than it already is because I'm already on the very edge...
I tried to get counselling after a r*pe several years ago but the first 'emergency' referral got lost in the processes and when I received free counselling at uni they said because I couldn't talk that either it wasn't for me at this time or never would be if I couldn't open up and be honest. I felt they judged me and until I know I can trust someone I won't tell them anything! I don't think I ever will live up to their expectations... :(

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judithj
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Re: how to cope alone?

Postby judithj » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:05 pm

Is there a Citizens' Advice Bureau near you? They can give you advice, help you fill in forms etc. At the moment you have no income, therefore you qualify for free prescriptions: whatever is going to happen in the future, that's the situation now. You really need to get that form so that you can get started on prescriptions asap. I know it's difficult to do things when you are depressed, but you need to do this, hugs Judith xxx

potsandpans
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Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:15 pm

Are you still registered as a full-time student? If you are (even if you don't attend) you shouldn't have to pay for prescriptions - there's a form you have to fill in.

I know what you mean about finding somebody you can open up to. I've had various forms of counselling over the years, but never "gelled" with my counsellors and, consequently, haven't opened up. It's amazing that anybody trained in the mental health field doesn't realise that opening up is the first (and essential) part of the healing process for so many sufferers.

One way or the other you have to be supported to do things for yourself, because you are as important as any other human being. You're obviously intelligent and have worked hard enough to get yourself a uni place, which is a success in its own right. Unfortunately, there isn't much help out there (either financial or emotional) for people in difficulty, so it's important that you hang on to what there is and use it to your advantage. I would seriously go to the CAB and just ask them to check any entitlements you might have, which could make your life a bit easier. Then make a list of what you want to do for yourself and start doing them in baby steps.

You have a job, so try to make a really positive impression (even if you don't like the job), because you can put it on your CV, highlight all the positive things you've done to be an asset to your employer (some people are amazing bullsh***ers and seem to find this bit easy), then gradually work yourself into a position where you can afford a place of your own and perhaps have a job you want. You probably won't end up as PM or a millionaire celeb, but at least you'll be able to show your parents that you can achieve what you want and hopefully you'll be a bit happier.

Don't forget Philip Larkin's poem:

They f**k you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Good luck!

PS. Just seen Judith's post and agree.

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:24 pm

Thanks - I think there is a CAB nearby although I would need to research where. Wouldn't be able to go until Monday now but will try and force myself out.

Unfortunately I'm not a registered student anymore, I'm just in between student and full-time employed which is proving difficult.

I've trained to go into the health field although not mental health. I've got a job where I completed my final training placement for 4 months and I know I loved the staff and the environment so hopefully at the end of my year contract I will be able to get a permanent job there.

I've set myself a big challenge tonight and not sure I can cope with it, especially if I have Togo trough it on my own, because I'm facing two of my biggest challenges - especially since one has been triggered recently and is the worst it as been in the past few years! Desperately hoping I can work alongside someone else throughout.

potsandpans
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:30 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby potsandpans » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:41 pm

Break the big challenges into little chunks - otherwise it will all seem too overwhelming.

The CAB usually has a waiting list, so don't be surprised if they can't see you straight away.

If you don't hear from the DWP by Monday, ring them on 0800 055 6688, because they're supposed to contact you within a limited time. I can't remember how long exactly, but it's a few days. In my experience, they try to ring you first, then send you a letter. If the call centre has your details (it should!), they might give you an appointment time over the phone. If the JobCentre advisors try to put you on one of their silly work programmes, just smile sweetly and tell them you've got a job - take any offer letter with you. They can then only force you to apply for and take temporary jobs, although you'll have to show them that you're making an effort to find one.

Congratulations for making it through the other night! You put up with a few hours of hell and survived, so well done you! Give yourself a pat on the back - even if your parents won't!


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