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how to cope alone?

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Thu Oct 17, 2013 3:06 pm

its been a while since I posted here because I was made to take a year out from uni receiving help and things were going reasonably well, however the last few weeks things have turned again and I want to catch the depression before it gets too bad again, especially since I am due to be starting a new job in the near future. the only problem is that I can't tell anyone this time so im looking for tips on how to cope alone, and please don't go into telling me that its a bad idea because in my circumstances I cannot tell.
if anyone has tips to keep it all under control or even help combat it, I would be very grateful!

Twinkle
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:35 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby Twinkle » Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:42 pm

Hi, everyone copes with depression in different ways. I honestly think that that coping alone sometimes can exacerbate it. Are you taking any medication? Do you know what has triggered it? I don't want to pry but is there a specific reason why you feel that you cannot tell anyone? The reason I ask is I suffered for years and years fighting depression since university age, I went undiagnosed, tried to battle through it alone, I am now 37 and have had 2 major depressive breakdowns, I am currently going through my second and I wish I had have told someone a lot sooner and maybe I may not have ended up this ill. You can however talk on here if that helps at least you are not alone in that sense as we are all in the same boat and have first hand experience and can support. Hugs xx

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:05 pm

Hi,

what helped you out of the depression before? Or what support did you have previously?

I fully understand you not wanting to tell anyone. Are you worried about you losing the new job before you've even started?

You said yourself you want to catch it before it gets too bad again. The sooner you actively go against it, the more likely you are to manage with only minor interventions. A lot of people manage their depression fairly well and you'd never guess they had problems. They have the right support and possibly a milder form and although it makes their lives harder, they can carry on with work and a fairly normal routine. There is support available that you can fit around your life. Maybe even a few sessions of counselling would do the trick.

I've been trying to cope on my own for a while now (although I keep attempting to find suitable support) and to be honest it isn't going well. The symptoms are getting worse and I'm moving towards a total breakdown. Seeing as the last one cost me about 4 years of my life, that isn't the way to go. The realisation is hitting me harder each time something goes wrong, so now I'm working on getting the help I need.

It is isolating to suffer on your own. When symptoms get worse, you can easily get past the point of caring and no one would notice. In my experience it only makes me feel worse, because I know I can't actually cope on my own, however much I want to...

This is why I can't think of any "good" ways to cope on one's own. I end up self harming, getting drunk, being reckless,... and those are anything but healthy.

If you want to explain a bit more why you think you can't tell anyone etc. maybe a solution could be found.

Take care! x

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:53 pm

My head of year reported to my parents that I self harmed whilst in secondary school, they didn't understand and expected me to stop straight away as they thought it was silly attention seeking behaviour, but this just made me find less visible places to harm. I sort of got through this but don't really know how and later I realised I didn't get through it at all... I was sexually assaulted the summer before I was to start uni, took a year out and they saw I was struggling but I don't think they knew how to help until 5 months later they made me find work. Since then the depression got worse again until a year and half ago uni made me take a year out since they had serious concerns over my safety and health and because my parents weren't supportive the time before I hadn't told them anything so to find it was still an issue and that I would be taking a year out from uni was a massive shock to them. I thought that with the support from uni they may understand a bit more, however they didn't. During the year out I was on medication (citalopram) and receiving CBT and some form of out-patient therapy from the hospital but I don't know exactly what... This did help to a degree but I don't know how since we didn't do any CBT in those sessions and I wasn't very good at remembering my medication. My dad still thinks it's stupid behaviour and is angry at me saying I'm a disappointment etc, and my mum doesn't know what to do with me. I couldn't tell them again for fear of being disowned by my family because of what I have put them through already. Whenever something is mentioned my dad raises the issue of what I've put them through, forgetting that I'm the one who has been through it worst- the assault, the year out following, the year out in the middle of uni - I'm just a huge disappointment to them!!!

The job I have accepted is where I did my final 4 months training, and they know I have issues because when I was with them previously I had to finish placement early because I was struggling too much - however this time I seemed much better and I don't want them to think I'm going backwards again, and they can't know what I carry with me or I may lose the job offer which would ruin me.

The one main friend I had to count on always being there for me has since gone and deserted me so now I don't really have anyone I can confidently talk to...

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Sat Oct 19, 2013 12:30 am

Hi,

I understand parents who don't get it ;). Over the last 5 years my parent's understanding has improved considerably (with help from a support group and a therapist), but if they were to find out now that I "still" self harm, it would cause a great upset.

Are you currently living with your parents?

How about seeking support outside your family? They don't particularly need to know what's going on, if it will only be detrimental. How about talking to your GP and finding out what is available to you? If you get yourself some help before it gets too bad and you had to give up the job, you could manage without this episode disrupting your life entirely.

You're not a disappointment. It's disappointing your parents even think that. I missed a year of school and spent 18 months out before I started uni. In actual fact it is an achievement to make it to that point, as it is an achievement that you have a job. And if you think about it, they must realise you could have problems again as you finished your placement early, but still they want you to work for them.

To me it doesn't sound like the amount of treatment you received was enough to get you properly stable (as is too often the case). Do you have any notes or do you remember any of the things you learnt in therapy? I find it hard to remember my tablets, but I notice how bad I feel if I forget them too much. Using the alarm on your phone can help, or even just keeping them with you at all times... All the therapy and medication in the world can only work so well. It is important to stick with the treatment plan and put in the effort. And even after the sessions are finished to carry on with what one's learnt (much easier said than done...)

I'm away this weekend, but will be back online next week ;)
Take care! x

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:07 pm

Yes I still live with my parents but have been looking to move away partly because my job is a distance away and partly because I need some space from my parents.

I could talk to my GP but I worry if I talk to them before I start my job then it may affect my offer going through, and this job offer means the world to me - the 4 months training I spent with these people was amazing and I loved every minute, so I know once I'm there it should help, but if I go in feeling bad then I worry it will be a bit more of a struggle this time. Once I'm more settled into the job I would possibly feel a little easier about approaching my GP.

Unfortunately, we only really did CBT stuff the first few weeks but then I would be given some homework and we wouldn't discuss it again. Then most of the remaining sessions we just talked about what I had done and what my plans were for the next week, but maybe I've misunderstood CBT?? The other treatment, if you can call it that, was with a psychotherapist(?) , but I felt judged every time I saw him and so didn't feel comfortable attending those appointments and quit after they messed me around.

Thank you so much for replying - just talking is helping!

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:40 pm

Really struggling today - was working at an event yesterday, struggled to walk nearly all day due to back pain and then at the end of the day found out someone had collapsed with a heart attack and died despite the efforts of some of my colleagues so felt low last night, came home to watch downton abbey which I love but the storyline isn't helping me because it is bringing back old memories and had me feeling even worse. Today I'm so tired, have a headache, don't have the interest in anything and just want to cry. I spent 4 whole days last week in tears and I'm starting this week off the same :-( does anyone have any suggestions of how to cope? just until my job has been confirmed and then I can possibly try talking to my GP...

Francesca2430
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:29 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby Francesca2430 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:35 pm

Hey, I find listening to music and occupying myself with things I love and enjoy like watching films this helps me to escape reality there's a really good website called 1channel.ch they've got millions of movies on there! I also like writing music, poems, stories and that kind of stuff to express my feelings. I hope this helps a little, just know you're not alone!x

stnamy
Posts: 228
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby stnamy » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:40 pm

trouble is the things I used to love and enjoy are no longer helping - nothing makes me happy anymore...

Francesca2430
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:29 pm

Re: how to cope alone?

Postby Francesca2430 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:51 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm going through a really bad patch at the moment and I feel talking about it helps me a lot, you're welcome to email me if you want a one on one conversation


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