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PK *TRIG*

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
painkillerv3
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:01 am
Location: sitting on my throne among my subjects

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby painkillerv3 » Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:36 pm

There will be someone some day that will love you that much that I promise.

I am of no use to anyone and what I did in order to protect my family was a waste and the agony im in also a waste. My own MH team does not even want to help me, I mentioned my situation and that a hanging event took place and all i got was "okay". Its getting worse as things progress and I knew I stockpiled for a reason and this is it. Within the next few days I just cant deal with it any longer.

I am pleased that you have found something within our time talking, something that has helped you to aim straighter in your own life. The reality of truth is that if you knew me and needed me I would be there online or in person. I will never judge you on anything that you may say or do there is no need to judge.

I can see your personality is fluid in motion, you can get your inner girl back but you need to put in alot of hard work to do it. What you will need to do is strip down really, take every personality every barrier every protection of your mind and take it apart bit by bit until you only have what you want left. Can be difficult it will take alot of psychological strain but you can manage to do it. Don't fear the girl dont misplace your insecurity around her, leave yourself data write alot down and make sure its visible during a switch then rebound messages to one another its part of the course you need to take. I dont say this lightly its hard very hard, im actually trained in DiD and the methodology to help it. Have you ever done a DES test? im not going to openly put my level online but as int he test 1- light disassociation/ normal to everyone 5= high but its not the highest numeric level you can get.

Sad, im 27 years old and in all those days I have lived today was the 1st ever hug i received from my mother, useless info but true. Im on the way out and the reasons for it is very complicated, half reason I got that hug, mum knows time is running out to make amends with her oldest son (me) we have been at war for 27 years straight. All the effects I have on people are negative and will continue to be that way, I have short time left but there is a couple of things I need to do first a personal note to every person that has supported me during this for instance. I would like to thank you off board so if you wish to trust me or create a new email to get my message to you email me on poecilotheriapk@hotmail.com so I can respond to you
I'm a little tea pot bloody and cut, here is my handle here is my butt

ONLY 7 WEEKS LEFT!!

sad
Posts: 463
Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:26 pm

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby sad » Sat Aug 24, 2013 12:59 am

Hi

There will be someone some day that will love you that much that I promise


Your wife is a lovely, caring sweetheart. I'm a capricious fucking nightmare! I'm lucky i'm even still alive lol let alone finding love. Someone told me they were falling in love with me recently (it wasn't true) but I ran none the less!! People like me are better off alone. No need to cause myself or anyone else pain. Already plenty to go round without me adding to it!! Thanks for the vote of confidence tho =)

I emailed you. Hope you got it??

Don't do anything silly. You are better than that. Keep talking to me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

painkillerv3
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:01 am
Location: sitting on my throne among my subjects

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby painkillerv3 » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:59 am

There will always be someone for you, running is a natural thing when you are afraid of something maybe you are more afraid you may enjoy yourself? its hard when your at the bottom you stay there long enough and the things of joy or potential of joy you just dont want to try in fear of falling again. You never know, love could be what you need and it being less of a problem than you think.

I got it and I had just replied to you.
I'm a little tea pot bloody and cut, here is my handle here is my butt

ONLY 7 WEEKS LEFT!!

sad
Posts: 463
Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:26 pm

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby sad » Sat Aug 24, 2013 5:41 am

You never know, love could be what you need and it being less of a problem than you think


It'a already a problem. Not everyone is lucky enough to have true love. Even if I had it, I wouldn't believe it was true.
The whole thing just does my head in to be honest. And my head is fucked enough as it is lol

Avalon
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby Avalon » Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:42 am

Pk, how are you now? x

painkillerv3
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:01 am
Location: sitting on my throne among my subjects

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby painkillerv3 » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:43 pm

Im nonestly almost at my end, things only get worse. I miss my wife but can have nothing to do with her cant even call her and there is no chance in the future of us being one again. I must now do the hardest thing a loving husband has to do and a husband that revolves sole around his wife as his life, im going to have to release her from our relationship which is going to be the last nail in the coffin. My love for my wife infinite there are no end points to it she is my life the only reason I fight hard against my own issues and survive as I do. I have put this off as i never wanted to do it never wanted to lose that last strand I have left of us as a couple and the only thing protecting me from myself
I'm a little tea pot bloody and cut, here is my handle here is my butt

ONLY 7 WEEKS LEFT!!

Avalon
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby Avalon » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:16 pm

Good to hear from you x Could you not give yourself some more time, say a year? See what happens. Life changes, people change, situations change. It could be that soon you could see your wife and baby in a contact centre initially and then who knows? Don't give up yet PK, I know that you feel you have no hope left and I can get that. Hang on to others, hang on to us. x

painkillerv3
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:01 am
Location: sitting on my throne among my subjects

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby painkillerv3 » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:29 pm

I cant bare to be without my wife for another week a year seems so so long, all the events like my birthday in october I will be alone when its usually a day we spend together with no phones etc and she makes me a special dinner but not this year but her dad who shares the same birthday as me will get to see her I know luck right a father in law sharing your birthday. I literally live because of my wife all my memories that are good are my wife and me I dont have any other good memories. Im long past giving up I already have, im dead my body has just yet to catch up.
I'm a little tea pot bloody and cut, here is my handle here is my butt

ONLY 7 WEEKS LEFT!!

Avalon
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby Avalon » Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:01 pm

Your don't know what the next week will bring let alone a month. Where there's life there's hope PK. Please hold on. Take our hands and we'll be here for you. We not your wife but we care and we want you to live, we want you to feel better. We want you to hang on. x

painkillerv3
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:01 am
Location: sitting on my throne among my subjects

Re: PK *TRIG*

Postby painkillerv3 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:02 am

I just cant keep going on like this. i just called crisis team hoping they could give me a solution other than harming or suicide but I should have not tried to ask for help since I always know the answer is the same- sorry cant help. you have to ask where do you really go in a crisis? back to old habits seems to be the only thing you can do in a crisis. I have restrained from self injury for some time now but all that record is about to be broken and I have brought my pill to the table and seriously considering it, what else can I do
I'm a little tea pot bloody and cut, here is my handle here is my butt

ONLY 7 WEEKS LEFT!!


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