Thank you. It is tricky. They cant force me to take them but always seem to convince me into it. Mostly because I cant be bothered to fight them on it. I guess I just want to avoid that confrontation. I think often there is a fear that if you dont take them you will become acutely unwell. The response to me coming off meds at my last appointment prior to this one after refusing his offers of multiple meds and deciding to do a trial as you described, was for other professionals that I had seen in the interim to write a letter saying that I had visibly deteriorated. I dont think it is true. I was in a shit place when I was on lithium. Its just being medication free, people think something has to be done ie get you back on the drugs. Its like a panic.
So in his mind and my mums I did decline but not mine. It seems sensible the regime he suggests given that lithium stopped the high (if I even ever was high) but not the low, to try adding an antidepressant. But I dont want to get back on that bandwagon. And I dont feel low at the moment. I did a week or so ago but I am through that now. I think you are right about disengaging. I was once told by my last psychiatrist I would probably need to stay on medication for the rest of my life and he would never recommend me to come off it. I was only 22. Given that the medication didnt even work and he had never seen me med free (I had been solidly on meds for 8 years) I decided to come off and it was like waking up. It was like regaining a personality, it was wonderful. I keep ending up back on them. I admit lithium showed promise at the beginning but side effects etc. i dont know. I just want a life. I want a job. I want a purpose. xxx