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never change trig

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loubat

never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 8:16 am

How I can go from being calm to blind rage I don't know over nothing really ruined all my hard work again and just making myself look like the thug my family believe I am no wonder no one want to know me in rl
Trying to do everything they tel me but back to square one again stupid idiot I am never going to get out

toxicmind
Posts: 523
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:30 pm

Re: never change trig

Postby toxicmind » Tue May 28, 2013 10:10 am

hi loubat maybe those people who think your a thug have not look close enough and saw the thoughtful caring and talented person you are. what was it that trigged you into a blind rage? don't be hard on yourself. i am sure loads of people would like to know you in real as i have said your thoughtful and caring two wonderful qualities takecare xx

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: never change trig

Postby belle » Tue May 28, 2013 11:07 am

Hi Lou.
Sorry you feel back in such a bad place.
I can flick like a light switch and think how the hell did that happen?
Is it really as bad as it feels? Sometimes it feels like you (one) have ruined all the good work you have done but have you really gone right back? Maybe you can recover a bit quicker from this than last time?
It's hard to see any positives at times like this.
I'm sorry.
Even worse when you are trying so hard too. Like a double hit.
Family are important but it's a two way relationship so some support from them might help rather than criticism and disapproval. Just my opinion.
I'd like to know you in RL and I'm sure other people would too. Not everyone is quick to condemn and judge someone who is unwell. Maybe that hasn't been your experience in life but try to hold on to that if you can. Or, if not, I will hold on to it for you until you can believe it.
Try to take it easy and please don't beat yourself up for this setback - OK?
Love xxxx

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: never change trig

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Tue May 28, 2013 1:15 pm

Thinking of you, Lou! You're a lovely and caring person, who I would definitely like to know in RL. This was a setback, but it can happen, especially when you're under as much emotional pressure as you are (therapy etc). Sending love and hugs. xxx

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

loubat

Re: never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 2:53 pm

Thank you tm for your kind words not used to people being nice apart from here means the world so thanks again
I went into blind rage because I wasn't allowed to out side stupid I know but at the time I couldn't stop it and was so bored and frustated then just couldn't bring myself down.
Today I feel a little calmer just full of shame and can't stop apolagising to staff as hate being that horrible person xxx

loubat

Re: never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 3:00 pm

HI belle
Hope your ok thank you as well for kind words todays been ok had theropy they didn't want me too but needed to talk over wot happened last nite Stil full of hate and shamefor self as was really horrible to staff I don't like being that person.
Have managed to get few hours sleep today as had rest loss night from self inflicted head ache from head butting the wall so mood neither good or bad so ok.
Still very confused belle sorry if not making sense xxx

loubat

Re: never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 3:01 pm

Thank you ngu for kind words hope you feel better soon xxx

loubat

Re: never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 3:27 pm

THanks Lu big it hugs back xxx

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: never change trig

Postby belle » Tue May 28, 2013 3:36 pm

Hey not stupid - OK?
How is your head now?
I'm sure they staff will appreciate and accept your apologies. Sadly they will be used to things like that happening. When I am angry, rude and vile towards my lot I feel terrible after and very ashamed too. But they realise where it is coming from and understand. OK, it's not nice having someone kick off at you but they realise how unwell people are and accept that. I'm sure a lot of people can't get to the place where they can apologise so that shows the 'good' side of you Lou.
I know you were frustrated at not being able to go out yesterday and it must be so hard.
Maybe move on from last night now if you can. I hope having therapy helped you talk it all through.
I'm sorry RL has showed you so little kindness and not perhaps valued you for what you have to offer but people on here care.
Please try to stay strong. You can get through this.
xxx

loubat

Re: never change trig

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 4:09 pm

Thanks belle
Yes the staff have been so kind also and told me not to worry just to continue talkin to them hopefully to avoid getting so angry which I will do,yes I talked things through with theropist which has helped a little to try to drop the guilt but a bit still remains.
I have tried to think of today as new day and not keep re thinking things just scares me how violent and horrible I can be over nothing really. But will continue working with the anger management.
MY head is very sore belle had it stitched this morning properly as was too worked up last night really need to stop picking on hard surfaces.
Hope you start to feel better from the cold soon much love xxx


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