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i dont feel really ill

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

i dont feel really ill

Postby Lucretia » Mon May 27, 2013 5:36 pm

but I feel like id rather be dead ,would be for the best ,I don't make sense to myself
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby belle » Mon May 27, 2013 5:41 pm

Hey what's up Lu?
xxx

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby Lucretia » Mon May 27, 2013 5:51 pm

I think im going to have to give up
I had a few really good weeks and thought it was because of the lithium helping
but I feel really sad today and am crying
im ever so tired and over emotional
im not brave enough to end my own life but I wouldn't mind if I died instantly right now
xx

I know I keep changing my mind about dying but the feeling never really goes away
people probably think im so lucky ,ive got mum ive got no truly terrible problems
but mum isn't what I want ,I want grown up things I cant ever have
I wish I could die now ,you have to be in the mood to die ,im in the mood now to die
Im trying to write this in a none dramatic way ,because im not actually feeling dramatic
its not an im to ill I cant cope I want to die feeling
its a calm quiet well it would really be for the best feeling of wanting to die
sorry
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby belle » Mon May 27, 2013 5:59 pm

I'm sorry you feel so sad and low today.
That yearning feeling of the way your (one's) life goes and the things you really want and maybe can't have can make some days very, very hard.
It's no good saying you have to exist for other people because you need to exist for yourself too if that makes sense.
Selfishly, but probably speaking for lots of people on here, we don't want you to end your life.
You have so many good qualities which you probably don't even recognise.
Please try to treat yourself kindly while you are feeling like this.
((xx))

User avatar
judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby judithj » Mon May 27, 2013 6:00 pm

maybe this is an after effect of your migraine, hugs, Judith xxx

toxicmind
Posts: 523
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:30 pm

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby toxicmind » Mon May 27, 2013 6:27 pm

what grown up things do you want lu and why can't you have them? whats dramatic about telling people whats on your mind weather thats saying you want to die or your angry,sad,happy or lucky thats not dramatic thats honesty

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby Lucretia » Mon May 27, 2013 6:27 pm

thanks Judith
x

yes that s it I think belle
im really sad because i haven't had the things in life i wanted
now my parents are divorced something feels so sad
im so jealous when i see dads who love their daughters in the way that dads are meant to
xx
if lithium doesn't help and therapy didn't help and nothing really helps then whats the point because im not living the next 30 years of my life in limbo not really knowing who i am how i feel or what my place in the world is
i would rather die than not know who i am
xx
i hate being so reliant upon others ,i hate how i don't fit into the world i hate how everything is so important to me
sometimes i wish i could be happy with what ive got because i have love but its not the love i want
is it really so much to ask to just know who you are and why you are and to feel okay
happiness doesn't matter but okay and the feeling of stability would be lovely
xx
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby Lucretia » Mon May 27, 2013 6:30 pm

toxicmind grown up things i want
are to be able to cope without my mum
a boyfriend and children and things like that
xx
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

toxicmind
Posts: 523
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:30 pm

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby toxicmind » Mon May 27, 2013 6:38 pm

maybe you can in the future what the longest period of time you have been away from your mum whats stopping you from getting a bf?

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: i dont feel really ill

Postby belle » Mon May 27, 2013 6:40 pm

Maybe you need to 'mourn' for the relationship you have never had with your dad?
I don't have any ideas as to how but maybe you could talk to your MH team about it?
I suppose the divorce going through has triggered this loss to the fore front of your mind, and the fact that you have not received what should be a 'right' for all children.
However, sadly RL isn't like that - never has been, is or will be for many children. How I wish that was so different.
Keep safe and look after yourself.
xxx


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