Alone trig

[Aleshadxcherylc]

I feel so alone
Just left my private pyscotherapist and I'm on about the 6th session with the nhs pyscotherapist I feel awful but I can't connect to her I've tried so hard
I very rarely look into her eyes I'm always looking down I repeat the same stories and things I keep going on about my past therapists and that I miss them to her. It awkward silences
I can't just say I can't connect to her as I don't want to hurt her feelings I keep banging on about my old therapists so she might be thinking it anyway I'm finding it so so difficult I feel alone and I don't know what to do.
I've waited for this therapy for 8 months and don't want to go on a waiting list as thats all I've done.i
in July the therapists will switch around so I will get someone else so I suppose I will have to wait till then.
It seems to be I talk and she doesn't say much wheras my other therapists have input and she's another trainee that's all I do get!! All she does is repeat what I say
I just don't know what to do its a mess : I just want my cbt therapist back the only therapist I could connect too
Kill me please I'm running out I'm drained and want a coffin now I want to die I can't handle this and everything else much longer I'm broken

[MythEagle]

hey chick,

I'm sorry you're struggling to connect with your therapist. It isn't a crime to not be able to connect with them, after all everyone is different so try not to give yourself a hard time over it right now. You do have some options open to you, maybe not nice ones, and other posters might be able to identify more choices than the ones I am going to write down now:-

• You can keep silent and not tell her how difficult you're finding connecting with her. This would restrict the things you can discuss with her and things would stay much as they are now.
  
• You can talk to her about how difficult you're finding these sessions - maybe take this post in for her to read to start the conversation. She is a professional, you won't be the first or last client that has struggled to connect with her. In her caring capacity I am sure she would rather you told her about the connection difficulties than tried to ignore them
  
• You can stop going to therapy altogether (doesn't seem like a great choice to me, but it is an option non the less)

Therapy is never going to be easy, they do say that nothing worth doing is ever is. The point is you are trying, and 8 sessions isn't really a lot of time to build a relationship with anyone (I didn't talk to my therapist for at least 6 months so I know where you're coming from). Plus you have had exceptionally strong bonds with other therapists which will make meeting a new one strange anyway.

Keep on fighting hun and keep on posting. You can think it all out on here in safety if that helps at all.
x

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Thanks myth eagle for responding and bothering to read.
The thing is I wish I could tell her but just don't want to hurt her feelings and then if I do they will put me on a waiting list for someone else which I can't deal with as it will be another's years wait
Not doing therapy is not an option I struggle without seeing someone once a week.
I might just say I am struggling to connect with you due to my other therapists and I don't know what to do. But I might wait for a while before I say anything.
This on top of everything else is unbearable
Dying is the option I know and I've told her I'm unfixable I feel so alone and that no one will come up to therapists I have seen why can't I have them back I'm sure they all hate me eveyone wants me to suffer
I deserve to suffer too I wish death would hurry up and come quick and put me out of pain and daily misery
Xx

[MythEagle]

Hey,

I hear what you are saying, and to be quite honest in your position I may well think similar things, but I am going to challenge you to try and think differently about this. I am not saying you are wrong, and I want to be very clear on that. What I am saying is that in the heat of a situation, in the middle of an emotional crisis, it is very difficult to think clearly and make rational, fully informed, decisions.

You say you don't want to her her feelings and be put back on a waiting list. Now whilst your T is obviously human and does have feelings she is also a professional and she is there to help you manage YOUR feelings. Now I am a hypocrit, because I could not bring myself to tell my T that I couldn't connect with him, but if she does not know how you feel, how can she even attempt to help you get passed this block in your progress? - and you are making progress, even if its an inch at a time you are still getting somewhere. It isn't your job to worry about her feelings and in any case she sees her own therapist in what they call clinical supervision where she will talk a bit about how situations with clients makes her feel. It would be my opinion, as an outsider, that she would want to try and address this lack of connection with you over a period of weeks and one potential outcome is that you might find that you have been able to connect to her after all.

As for your old therapists... well things happen, people's lives change, and I don't know the situations leading up to these other therapists leaving so its hard to comment. It does strike me though that you have had very intense bonds with your previous therapists, and that might be something you need to look at with your new T. Whilst you are not connected with this therapist you might be able to work through the emotional upsets that leaving therapy before has caused you, and might be a good place to start if you're looking for some way of breaking the ice with the new lady.

Of course I don't know details so you can ignore what I say and I won't be offended. You have to do what's right for you hun x

[belle]

Hi Katie.
I'm sorry you are still struggling with everything.
Please be gentle on yourself.
xxx

[Robyn4321]

I think you should definatley talk to her about it, because although there is a chance this might offend her most likely she'll have been taught what to do in these situations and there will be ways you can work through it. You've also got to remember that this is her job, it's not like you're telling a friend you don't like them, and I'm sure she would be happier to know what's hindering the progress in the sessions than to keep trying to build on things when you haven't even set the proper foundations there. All cliched I know and I apologise, but I think that you being stressed about this until July is going to outweigh the benefits that seeing a therapist is supposed to bring.
Good luck with it anyway, update us on how it's going. Robyn x

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Want to die help
Can't jump of a cliff as there is none, can't jump in front of a train as I don't want others to see and driver, can't overdose as I take medication at dinner when n parents are here just want to die so badly I can't take the pain and tour meant anymore pleaw let's hope
My therapist gives me or injects me with something
I canst take time off work as I will never ever get a job with children so I might as ell die never ever going to get that job even the school I volunteer with interviewed me nope
Please kollll me now
It's all I ask I can't bear to breathe another minute
Reading whst happens after you die on internet sounds good you get to see loved ones !!!

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Still wish I wasn't here

[Aleshadxcherylc]

F THIS im never coming back here again cant deal with anything anymor e tarah x

[Aleshadxcherylc]

no one would care anyway if i stuck around or not when i didnt come on for 5 months no one cared so no big deal really
bye