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Attachment Issues?

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
beka
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:56 pm

Attachment Issues?

Postby beka » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:00 pm


Have you ever experienced attachment issues?

For the past few years I have had a problem with attachments. With support workers, mentors, counsellors etc. I've always had someone to talk to and be there but I'm formed an attachment with them and its been hard for the time with them to come to an end.

Recently I've just moved out of a Hostel after being there for 2 years. I got really attached to my key worker. Then she left. When she left I fell apart. She was there almost every day and supported me, told me off when I did things wrong and gave me those lectures - everything a parent is really meant to do. Its hard to manage without her and I feel so lost that I havnt got her there anymore.

I try not to get so attached but recently I spoke to a my CPN and she she says it's asif I look to those professionals as a parental figure, due to the relationship I didnt have with my own parents when I was younger (Bare in mind Im now 22 and attachments have affected me for year)

Has anyone else gone through this? And How have you managed?

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby belle » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:48 pm

Hi there.
I'm sorry you are struggling.
I think attachment issues are probably fairly common with CPNs, therapists, care workers etc because they provide something usually missing in your (one's) life and try to provide support. I expect there is some research on it somewhere.
Dealing with it practically is quite another matter!
I think it is very hard to cope with endings. I had weekly therapy for 5 years some time ago and we took a year to 'do' the ending, but even then I thought I wouldn't even be able to cross the road without talking to her about it. Well, clearly I did survive but it was hard, as have other subsequent endings been.
I have found that talking to people on here has been a life saver at times because it can be very isolating having MH illness.
Perhaps keep posting on here and see if it helps?
People might not have any anwsers but they do listen.
Take care.
xx

beka
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:56 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby beka » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:52 pm

Thank you Bella x

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby belle » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:54 pm

No worries.
Forgot to say, welcome to the forum too.
xx

beka
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:56 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby beka » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:55 pm

Dont know why this didnt post - this was reply to first comment x

Thanks so much for your reply.
You see, i've tried to find out info and find out how to manage etc. but everything that comes up is attachment disorder and reading it - it sounds like someone who cant form attachment or something. However i am the opposite. (does that make sense)

Yeah I totally get how you mean - I've just finished seeing my CPN but only saw her for 6 month! and still fell apart when our time was but. Actually no she wasnt a CPN she was a CBT Therapist.

But its sooo damn hard. Nobody ever seems to know anything about it though.

beka
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:56 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby beka » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:45 pm

I'll check it out. Thanx

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:07 am

I understand everything you say I feel your pain I've been through it and currently still am I lost my cbt therapist in feb 2012 and I'm still struggling daily and to comprehend and deal with the fact shes not my therapist anymore feel free to read my thread on it I made back in feb the feelings are still the same now
My signature at the bottom is about my therapist I lost
I feel your pain I really do ! I had a proper breakdown or meltdown when it all happened still am feels like I've lost an arm or something important feels like someone's died in my life which is whst my cbt therapist also said to me when she said its the last session I can't remember ever being so deveststed and distressed
My cbt therapist was like my best friend or so I wanted her to be as she was young :cry:
Just about to lose my private pyscotherapist in 3 weeks who I've seen for 6 months who was like my mum to me and I'm losing her to go on the nhs as I have no choice :cry:
Xxxxxxxx
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

beka
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:56 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby beka » Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:39 am

I totally get what you mean, when I was at a loss when my support worker left my CBT therapist said it was asif I was grieving for that relationship.

Its always the same... I get way too attached to professionals its always been people like teachers, college tutors, counsellors, CPNs etc. Its so hard when the relationship comes to an end isn.t it. I.ve never saw them as professionals - more like parental figures/friends.

Feel free to private message me if you want to talk in.depth. We can maybe help eachother get through it? xx

Synthesis
Posts: 178
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:13 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby Synthesis » Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:27 am

Hi Beka,

As Lucretia says, 22 is still young :) I'm now 39 with 2 kids of my own and I still struggle.....my first recollection of the feelings that go with any of it for me I would have been about 6!!

I would be described as having what is known as a 'disorganised' attachment style. My current therapist and I are now working on this directly. So, whereas before it would always be an issue for me that I never talked about just panicked about, we have worked at creating a secure and well boundaried attachment. The idea being that she will model a healthy attachment so that eventually I will be able to 'detach' as it were.

In the beginning it was hideous.......she didn't exist if I couldn't see her and in my mind I certainly didn't exist for her if I couldn't see her .....the sick, panic feeling was overwhelming and I used to have to check on her 3 or more times a day. Now after 2 years, the week to week gap is generally OK and I am confident about how she really views me, what she might say to me if she was here with me, I remember what she is like to look at, what she sounds like, what she smells like and that makes me feel safer in my day to day. I am confident she will be there and be the same every week. She has worked so hard to give me consistency and stability where I have never had it before.

I dread, leaving........but not as I used to. I don't feel totally lost and sick just at the thought of leaving her and finishing therapy. I know the time will come and can accept even that I will want it to happen eventually, I can feel that this is achievable most of the time.

One of the best things is that because she is a safe place, I don't have all the unsettled attachment stuff with several other people that I used to. It's all around her, which sounds very dependent but in fact works in quite the opposite way. By not being afraid or rigid in her approach to my likely dependency I have stopped trying to cling quite so much to her by myself which also feels very empowering.

And just back to you being 22 - well even at my age I still feel about 2 a lot of the time!!

bevy
Posts: 249
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:23 pm

Re: Attachment Issues?

Postby bevy » Tue Oct 30, 2012 3:53 pm

yes i i have attachement issues,as well saw the same councilor for ten years and had to stop seeing her as she was retiring ill health, then saw a pycologist for eighteen months and had to finish withnher as starting different treatment with another pycologist, it been hard but how i survived it i wrote a poem for my councllor and gave her flowers so thats how that one ended and my pycologist i wrote two poems and an i knew she liked cocunut so brought her some cocunt chocs, but we worked on finishing therapy a few weeks before, it was hard on the last session but i made it, and she evemn gave me a card , that was so kind of her, as i work in the same hospital as she does it has been hard i kept on looking out for her and kept on thinking about phoning her but have not done so, it been easier as the months have gone on it six months now, i did see her once and mnaged to catch up with her and i askedif i could write to her and say how iam getting on , but not done so yet, as i am adopted and have attachment issues i dont want to get close to people now think they are going to reject me, i push my partner away and dont comunicate very well with him, i did do some work on attacment with my new pycologist i will lokk it up it was quite intersting maybe you heard of it i post it on her later just getting ready to go to work now


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