Its not what it would ‘normally’ mean though.
Im not hearing other voices talking to me, telling me to do things. Its as if I am talking to other people, I am holding conversations with them, that my thoughts are based on not me ‘thinking’ but on me having the conversation with the person I am thinking about. That makes no sense does it.
The problems I have at the moment are all based on the fact that I cant ‘physically’ talk. During my counseling sessions I can not ‘talk’, I can not even give a written piece of paper to my counselor, I can not sit there with my notes in front of me and read them out aloud.
It has been hurting me so much recently that if my counselor asks me a question I then have the answer, what I would say, in my head. It gets as far as my mouth but then it stops there. Nothing comes out, I cant actually say the words.
Ive notices recently that every thought I have is based on me talking to someone. Like now, its as if I am sat in front of you all talking to you. When something worries me, goes through my head, then its as if my thoughts go through my head but those ‘thoughts’ go through my head as if I am either talking to that person or I am sat talking to someone else about what has happened.
There is so much inside me that wants to be able to sit there and talk. I know that I can not get any ‘further’ until I am able to talk. There is so much written in my notes, my emails to my counselor but as she points out, unless I am able to get past the fact of not being able to talk, facing/solving what is stopping me talking then I am not going to get any further. Im stuck like this.
Still don’t know what is stopping me talking, as I said the ‘answer’ to the questions asked is there in my head, what I want to say is there in my head, but I can not say it.
This isn’t even based on ‘deep’ things, this is just on basic questions about what made me feel a certain way? What went through my head when something happened? How did I feel the week had gone?
this does make any sense