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rejection poss trigg

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jessie
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:54 pm

rejection poss trigg

Postby jessie » Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:59 pm

as it says can't handle it , my family have given up on me my past because its easier to ignore, no amout of cutting / punching is easing it. as the hurt anger i feel inside is so much more i want my parents yet this is the upteenth time they've left me i always do this to myself get my hopes up the bang. hate me, this mind and body if i were normal would it be different would they want me . just my family whats wrong with me . :cry:

wishbone
Posts: 1131
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2011 8:09 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby wishbone » Sun Jun 24, 2012 6:51 am

Hi Stressed,

Parenting, in my opinion, is for life, not just for Christmas (so to speak). Family is part of us, and should be, for life. Even if we live apart, the support/love should be unconditional, but, sometimes, when they are unsure how to cope, it may come across as abandenment, but it is just they do not have the knowledge to cope themselves. It may be you need to try and explain to us what you see as rejection and what actions they do that make you feel this.

Some of us do experience, what is known as poor parenting and I think this can happen throughout adult life too. The relationship does change though and it does become a bit more distant than it was in childhood, which is not poor parenting, it is just respecting we are now adults. Not sure of your situation, at the moment, and at what stage of adulthood you are at.

Self harm is from distress of some kind, not sure where your core distress comes from. Is part of your stress actually coming from your family? As your 'name' you use on here says, excessive stress needs releasing. What is important here is to find a more healthy way to release it, if this is possible. Do you have support from services at mo?

Feeling we are not worth it can come from many different experiences, and self-hate is something that is in need to work on improving. Trying to love ourselves can change the way we see everything else around us. Loving ourselves can be the hardest thing though, but it is important to try and not focus on what we can't do and have a go at focusing on what we can and what our strengths are. CBT is a Therapy that may help with this.

I hope this helps xxxx

loubat

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby loubat » Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:09 pm

hey huni
sorry to hear your feeling like this stressed have you tried to speak to your parents about how your feeling,sometimes family members feel useless wen confronted with self harming and mental health issues but it is really important that you speak about your thoughts and feelings. If it is not possible to do this then there are always people on here who will listen or try to give advice. But long term you need to speak to your mental health team or gp about the self harming they wil be able to give you the medical support you need right now please try to keep your self safe huni and keep postin xxx

jessie
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:54 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby jessie » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:55 pm

Hey all, my story in brief is as follows age of 9 my ma decided i should stop 2 days a week with her brother cause i was to difficult, bad disrespectful she couldnt handle me despite she could my bros and sisters he started abusing me shortly after my first few weeks and this contined for 5 years he told me how my mother hated me , she has never hugged me yet . after numerous problems at school i broke down told my mother whom responded with i knew you were trouble after all he's done for you , you do this , he raped me after a discussion with my ma she gave me the choice to stay n shut up or move, i moved. and kept movin recently my past has caught up with me and is a very real almost happeing again experience , i also found out my sister was abused and she has been a huge help only she wont say what happenend to her a few week back i decide to tell my father who at the time was in complete shock and booked a train with me mam for a visit coming to help me . 3 days into the visit i was told not to speak outside the family bit late as all my threapists know and it didnt discussed as it was a long time ago and nowt could be done and i had to imagine what kind of an impact this would have on my ma's elderly parents what was the point in hurting others. i have tryed not to hurt others for many years i have hid what happened to protect others. and once again i'v been shut down. and its knocked the crap out of me why do i always drop my self let myself be damaged this is hard enough . they know i self harm and say im attetion seeking im not i need something to hurt me more than me xxx

loubat

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby loubat » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:41 am

hey huni
have you talked to professionals about wot happened to you none of this is your fault and you cannot keep punishin yourself for wot them evil people did i had similar things happen to me and you need to talk and get it out ov your head either through words,drawings or poetry then you can start living your life again. So please please seek help and don't let these animals control your life any more regain that control in the rite way.Keep talkin huni xxx

Kuruneko
Posts: 257
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:50 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby Kuruneko » Tue Jun 26, 2012 2:30 pm

Hi, just read your `history` so to speak, I am aghast at what you have suffered in the past and my heart goes out to you.

For your parents to tell you to keep it inside the family seems to smack of uber control and a huge helping of fear should you tell someone that could do something about the abuse you have suffered.

Also the point on self harm and attention seeking, what do they expect when they treat you less than dirt? I don`t believe in the attention seeking part, as most of us that S/H, including me do NOT do it to attract attention.

Problem is that they are your parents after all isn't it? I mean if it was a friend you would just tell them to fu#k off and be done with it, but we all need our parents, know matter how twisted and evil they are.

All I can advise in my limited capacity is to keep up the therapy and keep talking [typing?] on here as we have a wealth of understanding and compassion.

Take care
"All the promises I made, just to let you down, you believed in me but I`m broken. I have nothing left and all I feel is this cruel wanting" -lost in paradise [Evanessence]

Cardiff
Posts: 487
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:00 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby Cardiff » Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:04 pm

hi jessie

So sorry to read what you have been through, and I know that we havent spoken before. Sadly, your story and the behaviour of the so called family is very familiar to abuse survivors. The hiding of the secret and so on.

It was never ever ever your fault. You did nothing wrong, it is true.
Shame on those who have not helped you or try to blame you.

I have sent you a short pm with a bit of information on, please share it with the moderators if you want to, no worries there.
(I hope other members of the site realise why this would be private.)

No need to contact me back, just want you to know that we believe you and care,and wish you good things for the future. That post took a lot of courage and you were very brave to say what happened.
A very safe hug if that is ok.
Prudence

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby belle » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:05 pm

Hello.
Your life story is tragic and I am so very sorry this has happened to you.
People have given you some good advice and I'm glad Prudence has been in touch with you too.
I hope you can get the help and support you need and deserve.
Please keep posting on here it it helps a little.
Please also take good care of yourself.
xx

wishbone
Posts: 1131
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2011 8:09 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby wishbone » Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:42 am

Hello jessie,

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. From what you have expressed here, is really concerning. To expect you to keep this 'within the family', was not a fair thing to ask. You moved, when they gave you an altermatum. This was the right thing to do.

The problem with trauma is that it can't be kept to yourself, because to try and do this, the mind will fight with you to express it, so your mind is able to heal itself and this is what is happening at the moment. It maybe that the therapy is not enough for you and the fact that your family is trying to force you to not say anything about it, especially in the way they are doing it, by attempting to redirect blame, is a form of domestic abuse, which is also a trauma, so you are still reliving it.

I think you are now in a position that is very difficult, but does need resolving, especially within you. I think, what you need to work out is how this can happen for you, which will take some thinking. It maybe that you need to try and speak to your sister again. What is occurring is not unconditional love. If you are suffering then there is a possibility that your sister is too. You might think that reporting it is what you wish to do. But I think the main thing you need to think about is what choice will lead to the healing process.

If you need to discuss things here, then please do. We definitely will not blame you or tell you not to express. Suggestions can be helpful, to see what options there are out there, so hopefully, one day, you will be able to decide what is best for 'you'.

I wish you well. xxxx

jessie
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:54 pm

Re: rejection poss trigg

Postby jessie » Wed Jul 04, 2012 12:17 pm

thankyou all for your advice and input my m.h.t are all aware of the situation and say the same i have to do whats right for me , the whole court thing is not for me it's for the others , at this moment in time i'v been put right back in that situation as a child as the rejection side of it has left me feeling pretty unworthy unloved but as kurunko said they are my parents and i dunno why i need them i just do struggling to find me in all this as most my life all i ever done is what others have wanted i dont know what i want . feel like a kid all over again . and i really dont want it but am struggling as i have flashbacks dreams where i feel im wide awake and constant voices of whats been said to me over the years going on . thankyou all your such wonderful helpful people xxx


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