Truth is i have always been a little or more 'off key' .
Despite over 38 years of psychiatric treatment i have great doubts as to whether i am mentally ill and instead just a freak/misfit.
If i am a dysfunctional freak/societal misfit then mental illness is obviously no excuse as to why i have never achieved anything solidly worthwhile in my life.
I am not sure how much my doubt is a product of illness related self denial. It's not that i don't believe mental illnesses exist, but that i often feel like a fraud for daring to equate being mentally ill with myself.
Also posted this elsewhere and got the following reply.
Hello , you sound just like my son, he s said those things for years. I think the trouble starts at school, when they try and fit a square peg into a round hole. Then the trouble can start with bullying and a mental health problem can start with all the stress of trying to fit in and be "normal"
This struck a chord with me and i replied
What you say makes a lot of sense. I think the other boys at public school sensed i was not 'normal' and that gave them the right,in their own minds, to subject me to intensive verbal bullying.
That bullying has had a profound and chronic effect on me. Schools are bad at protecting children that are 'different' .