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today *pos trig*

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
craziememe
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Re: today *pos trig*

Postby craziememe » Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:05 am

i cant remember when i wasnt scared. i am always scared.its thereinside all the time. they will get me i know they will and i cant trust anyone because they all have cameras. actually maybe i cant trust this place either. they said they will kill me annd i will go to hell. i have read about hell. and im scared. i am going now because im scared wat im righting on here they will no its me and i dont really no my friends here because i dont no if there is anyone i can trust. i am going now and i have got my kitchen knife if they are out there or if they read this. i am scared but noone can get me because i have got my knife.i'm sorry to my friends here i am sorry but i am just so scared.
Craziememe

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
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Re: today *pos trig*

Postby craziememe » Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:59 am

i am scared i cant sleep i am scared i dont want anymore flashbacks i try to be strong and brave like i used to be but i cant. i am scared. i can hear cars driving past on the main road. not a lot but i can hear them wat are they doing at this time of night. im scared i cut my arms to get rid of these feelings inside me. im still frightened. nobody will help me be safe. i dont no what to do i look at my beautiful little boy sleeping so peaceful. he's not scared. but i am im scared for us both im scared for us all
Craziememe

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so sad
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby so sad » Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:12 am

Oh Meme, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad and so scared. When did this all start? Who exactly said they will get you? You will NOT go to hell, ever and they won't get you but I know its easy for us to say. You are very safe on this forum, we all love and care for you.

Was does your support worker say about this fear?

You are an amazing woman to live through this and care for your little boy.

Being tired from lack of sleep will amplify your feelings of fear too.

Please let us know how you are today

xxx

tic

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby tic » Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:55 pm

Hey Meme

How you doing just now. Sounds as if your mind is working overtime. I just want to offer my support. No one can harm you Meme because the people who did hurt you when you where a child are cowards and they would not dare take on a fully grown woman who has loads of support and the ability to protect herself and her son.

Re protecting yourself with the knife whilst I appreciate you are crapping yourself my worry would be that this is also making it easier to self harm how about something less sharp but still able to protect yourself, I used to sleep with a gold club or a hockey stick below my bed. That way Meme you can protect yourself and make sure no accidents can happen.

You are strong Meme and so resourceful and have a strong support network around you so these people who hurt you are not going to try this they prefer to hurt children who are isolated and in need of love and protection.

Please feel free to PM anytime my friend and please try and get a right good proper sleep.

Tic

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby craziememe » Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:51 pm

i seen my cpn today and the crisis team twice they think i'm not well but i told them i'm okay. i told my cpn about the voices she said its very frightening and she said i was brave letting the lady from the crisis team in but i was sure they had cameras or tapes. i'm scared cos if i hear a noise the voices say its the bad people coming to get you. when i was little they used cameras and a lot of bad people saw me i am frightened of them. the voices are saying dont right this dont talk to anyone. they tell me i need to get out when its dark, you need to hurt yourself. my cpn said i have to see the crisis team twice a day til i see her again but i'm scared they have cameras im scared there out to get me.
Craziememe

tic

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby tic » Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:57 pm

Hi Meme,

The voices can't hurt you pal but they are trying to undo all the good stuff that you do for yourself. I now your scared my friend but we are here for you. You know that you and I have shared stuff and I hope that you can trust me. Please listen to me no one will hurt you tonight Meme you need rest and help. Is there no one you can trust to stay with you tonight or who can stay with you to let you sleep.

I be here Meme if you need to talk plus you know you can PM me. You have always been there for me and I really want to help you even if it is just listening to you.

Be safe Meme.

Tic

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby craziememe » Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:39 pm

i seen the crisis team today. she is really nice the voices say she's got a camera shes taping you but she didnt even have a bag. my cpn asked the therapist if she had cameras in the room and she said no but i cant believe her even though i like my cpn and she wont lie but i cant trust anyone. they are trying to get me some sleeping pills to help me get a rest from the voices cos i havent slept for 3 nights just sit here awake holding my knife i put a small one in my bag today too just in case. i feel lonely even though i have the voices but i still feel lonely.
i hope evryone is ok. lots of love xxx
Craziememe

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: today *pos trig*

Postby craziememe » Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:52 pm

hi again all im sorry but i dont no what else to do i am really really frightened. i feel like i am dying even though i no im not. i dont want to ring the crisis team cos te voices tell me i cant trust anyone. im really scared cos i dont think myknife willprotect me from the bad people. they are bigger and strong than me. i am scared they are coming. i am safe in my bed but the voices say no your not safe there. there coming to get you get your knife
Craziememe


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