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CPN - waste of time

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so sad
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CPN - waste of time

Postby so sad » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:47 am

About 3 weeks ago I had a mental health assessment. I was very open which was hard. I told them I self harm on a daily basis due to self-hatred, dreamt about suicide and had suicide plans. They were concerned as I have no outlet for the emotions (didn't mention this site) apart from one firend who I trust but is going through her own crap so I've backed off. They agreed that I need some sort of talking therapy as the reasonsn are deep rooted but as there is a long waiting list they would allocate me someone on their team to see me on a regular basis to simply get me through day to day.

I had my first appointment with my CPN today. She said I get 3 sessions with her (half an hour each). No referral for therpay has been made and it might not be. i told her what was said in the assessment but she didn't really react. if I do get referred it will be ages and then I would only get 6 sessions. She asked me what support I had in place. I told her about my friend and explained the limits on it. She asked me about what stopped me commiting suicide and I said my parents but said that as much as it would destroy them I also know they wouldn't want me to live in this pain day in, day out. She asked me if I had numbers of helpines which I do but I said I'm not good on the phone. She asked me about work and I said I'm not at all productive, have an important job but have quite an understanding boss.

So she decided from all that, that i'm OK, I have support in place so nothing further to do.

I feel so let down and abandoned. Do they not get that just because we can function on a level that we're in fact struggling to keep or head above the water and maybe that if we stop fighting that bit that we'll just sink.

I'm so angry and upset. I know I have no value, am a worthless piece of crap and she has just backed that theory up. I see her again in 2 weeks. How the hell is that supposed to get me through each day - bloody ridiculous

Sorry for the rant but only you guys will understand this - well I hope you do anyway.

Its as if I've been disregarded because I've not ended up in hospital yet. Have they not heard that prevention is better than cure??

I feel so lost and alone - maybe that is what I deserve

xx :cry:

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Re: CPN - waste of time

Postby judithj » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:55 am

i can see why you feel so angry as you were really depending on this to give you the support you need and deserve. i know mh services are overstretched but that's because not enough resources are being put into them - that's not our fault. you keep on ranting love, we're with you all the way. you could try writing to your mp - you can do it online at just a thought. sending you loads of hugs, Judith xxx

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so sad
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Re: CPN - waste of time

Postby so sad » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:24 am

Thank you for all your support - you really are a lovely group of people.

I've just spoken to my CPN. it has been decided that as my issues would need more than 6 sessions that I won't get any and they've told me to go private - nice of them to give me permission! I can't believe that is the extent of the help on the NHS. I feel like (and please no-one take this the wrong way, its just what she said made me feel this way) if I attempted suicide or ended up in casualty every week from cutting that I would get more help.
I did use an organisation through my employer who gave me 6 free sessions and the therapist was great, the best I've ever seen but he wouldn't continue on a private basis in case the NHS didn't see me as a priority - what a joke! I might go back to him now and explain the situation and see what he says.

Maybe its a hint, maybe I don't deserve proffessional support and i meant to suffer.

Sod it, I'll just suffer until I can't take anymore


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Re: CPN - waste of time

Postby craziememe » Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:37 pm

i'm sorry your not gettting the help and support you need and indeed deserve! your not alone here though, please post as often as you need to they're a great bunch of people on here. i hope things improve for you soon, try to stay strong.
take care x

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