I think my head is going to explode - there is so much going on inside it and its too hard to cope with. I've already self harmed three times today and I just want to do it more, bigger and better each time. I can't cope with hating myself, hating what I see back when I see my reflection. I hate myself for being so weak, so pathetic, so much of a nothing and a nobody. Nothing has triggered me but although I am very concerned over a friend of mine. She is the only one I can talk to but because she is upset over soemthing I am being strong for her and putting my issues to one side so as not to be a burden.
I'm seeing a CPN tomorrow for the first time and I'm hoping I can connect with her so that I can offload a bit. If I don't I don't know what I'll do.
I just can't see a way out. I have a decentish job, a partner (which causes me issues to some degree), good parents etc but its what is inside me I can't live with. I wish someone would just give me permission to give up and leave permanently. If an animal was in this much pain then someone would do the right thing for thwm, why not me?
I just can't keep going...