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Feeling Isolated

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j51
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:58 pm

Feeling Isolated

Postby j51 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 8:37 pm

Hi Everybody ,

This is my first time on here and the site in general . I don’t know what to say. Feeling lonely , feeling isolated , my family never seem to be happy with me. I just feel like giving up, is this all there is to life , stress and heartache , loneliness , and people always wanting a little bit more out of you , but never giving much in return and if they do , they want something again back. Does nobody do anything out of the goodness of their heart anymore ?..Is everybody like this now?.

I don’t know. I come on here , but I don’t think anybody is listening or anybody cares , I’m just another face in the crowd.
Maybe I’m being selfish crying out ..I just don’t know anymore.

J51

modin
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:41 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby modin » Sun Jun 07, 2020 6:05 pm

This is definitely not all there is to life. Life has lows but it also has highs. The secret to it I think is surrounding yourself with good people who have the ability to love you, and the only way you can do that is by loving yourself first. (I know it sounds like a stupid motivational poster thing but I believe it's true!)

Lots of people do things out of the goodness of their hearts. Unfortunately, they can be hard to find. The important thing is to keep trying. There are lots of people really to listen to you and care about you :)

I don't think you're selfish either. We all need attention and recognition every now and then, some of us more than others. It's fine to have those needs and it's fine to ask for help when those needs are unfulfilled.

I've always had trouble making friends and I've also felt lonely and isolated in my life a lot. I find it easier to make friends over the internet. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here :) (though idk how private messages work over here)

rsxo
Posts: 1286
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby rsxo » Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:20 pm

Welcome!x
RSxo <3

j51
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:58 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby j51 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 6:38 am

Hi modin,

Thank you for your time and your kind words.
It’s funny when I read what you say about love , I have just spent time telling someone else the same thing in a different way. Lol..
That word love is so important, yet elusive, I struggle with loving myself , but have loved others, and those others have tried their hardest, it seems , to destroy my belief in love.
My family has been the biggest heartbreaker. When people are that close and they devastate your world, it can be a journey that’s hard to come back from, if you know what I mean.
I am such a giving person, but the more giving , the more I find people take advantage of you, especially nowadays.

It seems I’m good at caring for others, feeling their pain , being there, but trying to resolve my own has been my hardest battle and proven a tough struggle. But I keep trying.

It would be nice to continue to talk to you modin, thank you .. I’m not on everyday , sometimes I’m just alone with my thoughts, depression can make you so tired at times. But I do return often.

Hope to speak soon, and thank you.

modin
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:41 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby modin » Wed Jun 10, 2020 4:03 pm

Yeah... I can relate to what you're saying

I also struggle to love myself. I've found out recently I have what's called white knight syndrome, which is that I want to help others as a substitution to helping myself. I think it makes sense, it's a way to get the love, recognition, validation that I'm not getting from myself.

I've begun reading a book named The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem which is really interesting and eye-opening. Some passages really resonate with me, it's helped me realize some things. I definitely recommend it!

I can't say I've had a lot of heartbreaks in my life. I'm still young, and I've avoided social contact a lot because of my insecurities, and I was lucky to be born in a good family. That said, nobody's perfect, and though I recognize my family has done their best, I've lived my own loss, had my own feelings of abandonment and neglect.

It seems like in your case, your family has been much more abusive. I'm sorry about that. The first thought that comes to mind is always "if a relationship is abusive to you, you should end it", but it's not always that easy, especially when it's family. Something that has helped me a great deal when being abused is trying to understand why people do what they do (which is no easy task, I'll admit).

When I was in middle school, I was bullied, and at that time my mother who was very supportive would often say "It's not you, it's not your fault - it's them. The reason they're bullying you isn't because something's wrong with you, it's because they are unhappy, they have low self-esteem, their parents have hurt them, they don't love themselves and they take it out on you". There was a good measure of truth in that and I've carried this mentality ever since - every time someone behaves like an ass, I seek the reason behind it, and I tell myself that it's not me. It evidently wasn't enough, but without this explanation, I think I would've felt much more insecure and been much more depressed in my life.

I've also begun to see a therapist very recently, I've only gone once but I can say it helps. Even just talking about your history, your feelings, your thoughts, your life to someone who doesn't judge you and is there to help and who will keep that information private can grant a lot of relief. But beyond that, the therapist can help you uncover hidden truths about yourself, things you hadn't realized or things you'd subconsciously kept yourself from knowing.

Anyway, I hope some of this helped! :)

j51
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:58 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby j51 » Sat Jun 13, 2020 3:14 pm

Hi modin,

Thank you for another nice post. You maybe young but you certainly have a mature head on your
Shoulders, it took me years for things to sink in , that it wasn’t my fault that people picked on me at school. I also went through some tough times at school. I was brought up by my grandparents when I was at school, so you can imagine that the late 70s and 80s school kids were not kind to people like me that had no parents. I was called all kinds of names , some of them even used today still. In those days the teachers weren’t much better either, they were bullish and physical.
You certainly couldn’t approach them to ask for help, they would just laugh at you, and dismiss it.
What your mum use to say to you about why people did this to you at school, is exactly the same thing that my grandfather said to me. Trouble is when your a kid, the pep talk your family gives you seems to have a hard time registering, lol. When your a kid you want to be liked and excepted, and can’t understand why this isn’t happening. It’s only when your older you realise, your family were right.
I think bullying at school is disgraceful, it effects a young persons life, especially as this is the most important time of learning and mental growth , luckily for me, I learnt to toughen up, and stand up against the bullies, but it was still not a nice experience.
By the looks of things, not much has changed, bullies in schools still exist, but at least teachers now listen to the pupil more.

That book you recommended sounds very interesting, I will download it on to my kindle and read it. Thank you for the recommendation.

I have always put people first and myself second. It has given me great joy to help people, especially family. But sometimes I feel, a bit let down if I be honest modin, it seems the more good you do, the more caring you are about others, the more they seem to feel my kindness is a weakness and I’m treated not so well at times. I’ve tried to step back, but family play with your
heart strings. It’s painful at time, and at times I loose all hope.
At times it’s a battle to keep hearing the negativity, and continue with your life, if you know what I mean. I am person, with feelings and it can drag you down to the depths at times.
But I’m still trying, to keep my head above water.
Some people I guess were born to do only one thing, to try and suck the life and energy out of you.

Forgive me, if this is a bit long, it’s just nice to talk to someone, because at the moment, I have to admit, I’m battling with myself to keep going, each day is hard and lonely, and I feel like giving up. But something in me for now keeps me going, I call it my subconscious protector. I just hope one day it doesn’t give up on me ,lol.

I find it sad to see a young person as yourself, going through life’s pains, it should be the best time of your life. But I identify with it, I myself, for different reasons went through a lot as a child growing up. But I made it till now, so that’s something ,lol..
So you can do the same huh? ..When things get tough, rememberer j51, had a tough life too, but he made it, to an old age, lol.....If he can, I can......Anything’s possible.

Keep in touch, it’s nice to hear from you. Makes me fill I’m not alone, the more people there the more I may survive this bad time...

Take care.
j51

modin
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:41 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby modin » Mon Jun 15, 2020 12:17 am

Heh, when I say young I guess I'm not that young anymore :) I'm 25, time really flies... I still feel young at heart though. I've had much less experience with work, studies and love than other people my age, so I've still got a lot of growing up to do.

Something I've noticed is... being abused is a two-way street. What I mean is the abused has to let themselves be abused. But as I said earlier it's never that easy... I think what can help most of all is a gradual change in mentality.

I talk daily with a woman who was/is in an abusive relationship, and because of a very complicated situation involving complex past feelings and a child, she's extremely hesitant to move on. But she's made progress, and that I think was thanks to gradually feeling more and more confident about herself. I think what it takes above all is self-esteem - the capacity to believe in yourself, your own worth, that you're worth respect and love and that abuse is not ok - the ability to assert your own needs and say "no" when enough is enough. The belief that one can find new relationships with people who will be able to provide respect, care, love and act with maturity and responsibility.

That's the hardest part, really. Changing one's mentality. I'm trying to do it slowly, at my own pace - I think it can never happen too fast, and that's ok. I didn't start doing it (didn't even want to start doing it) by myself. I had to have someone who believed in me and showed me I was loveable.

In your case... you say you lose all hope sometimes, and I can feel that you do. I can definitely 100% guarantee you that all hope is not lost! Life is amazing and full of surprises, all it takes is meeting the right person. It's all about people. There are people out there who won't abuse your kindness. There are people who will act responsibly with you, not ask for too much and not give too much either - not flip out on you, do their best to clear out misunderstandings, respect your feelings...

I wouldn't know much about how to find people like this, myself! :) Because I'm not very experienced or knowledgeable when it comes to social activities and... the outside world. All I know is that logic dictates that... you won't stand a chance if you never meet anyone new :) (and yeah forums are good at this!)

It's a hard thing, venturing out into the unknown and seeking change. How easier could it be if you could just change the people around you somehow? Fix their abusive attitudes? It's always hard to accept that there are things outside your control, things you shouldn't bet on.

I don't know much about your situation, but I know you feel mistreated, and that's enough to know that you are. That's definitely not ok! You deserve to be treated with respect and benevolence, no matter what. That you think of others before yourself is even more reason why your family should treat you well! Unfortunately, many people take that as a sign of weakness and seek to abuse it.

I definitely think that you should try every now and then to put yourself first - which is not selfishness, but self-respect! As the saying goes, "how can you help others if you don't know how to help yourself?".

Anyways, sorry if I rambled a bit in there! :D Life can be good, even if sometimes we lose hope. I think it's okay to feel bad sometimes as long as we keep looking to the horizon, long as we keep getting back up! Hang in there :)

erica85
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:28 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby erica85 » Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:46 pm

hi im new here to ive been feeling alone for so long and get fustrated with my voices i get verry low mood been through a lot of heartache my self and i sometimes feel angry

modin
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:41 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby modin » Tue Jun 16, 2020 12:34 am

erica85 wrote:hi im new here to ive been feeling alone for so long and get fustrated with my voices i get verry low mood been through a lot of heartache my self and i sometimes feel angry


Hey :)

You're not completely alone! You can come rant to us anytime. I'm checking the thread daily. If you don't mind telling us, what makes you feel angry? I don't doubt it's a good reason... we all have the right to be angry sometimes. I'm angry too sometimes... and I used to have big anger problems. I feel alone sometimes too (and I had really bad phases where I felt alone all the time). So you're definitely not alone feeling like this :)

j51
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:58 pm

Re: Feeling Isolated

Postby j51 » Wed Jun 17, 2020 8:49 am

Hi Modin,

Once again you do a lovely post, it lifts my spirit.

Since we last spoke I must admit, I went low for a bit, things just got on top of me, life feels
so full of heartbreak and not enough of smiles and laughter.
Plus, struggling with my Achilles rupture on my own, has been hard. Hobbling around like a modern day long John Silver, gets a bit tedious after a while. God am I sick of being in my own flat on my own,not seeing anything of the world around me. I miss the sunlight on my skin.
Being in lockdown as well just adds another element of weirdness lol.

For a 25 year old, god you make a lot of sense. Your posts are so spot on, you know me, better than I know me, lol.
What you say is so real, it hits the mark each time. You should be a counsellor , I’d go to see you.
Anything I could do to lift my spirit, my hope, myself confidence, I’d do in a heart beat.
It’s hard sometimes to find someone who is interested in your problems and genuinely wants to help.
So thank you, for the time you give me, writing some uplifting posts. I enjoy reading them.
I am sorry if I’m not always on, but I will always reply.

As my grandad use to say, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
So true, he was a wise man, a veteran and i miss him deeply, he was my best friend for a long time in my life. But unfortunately he’s been gone a long time. It’s amazing how one person in your life makes an impact , and when they are no longer there, the gap that’s left, no one else can fill it.
Sorry, I’m just a bit low, it’s just been a hard week for me.

The loneliness sucks though , it can get tedious, it’s a real thumb twiddler at times. Especially when your wearing a rehab boot and your in a weird historical lockdown, you start to feel, the worlds got it against you.. Since all this has been going on, Netflix has never had such a more dedicated fan :)..And I don’t usually watch that much telly ..

I must admit though, I can’t wait to be back on both feet, discard the crutches and walk along the beach again and get some fresh air. Life’s ironic, when your low or lack confidence, you self isolate yourself. Then when somebody else forces isolation on you, your craving to open the front door for freedom and fresh air.

Modin, you never ramble.i like reading your posts, and I thank you so much for taking the time for me. They uplift me, and inspire me to keep moving forward.
What you say makes so much sense, and I like reading the things you have to say. Your pretty locked on, you say it as it is, I like that. Gives me hope, that there are people out there that get it . That I’m not just been struggling on my own , while the world goes on without you.

Thank you, it makes all the difference.

J51
Last edited by j51 on Fri Jun 19, 2020 7:53 am, edited 2 times in total.


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