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Desperate for advice....

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Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:32 pm

Desperate for advice....

Postby 123breathe » Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:54 pm


I joined this site this morning as I feel I am going out of my mind with worry. I have a 20 year old son, who up to a few months ago was a happy boy, going to the gym, watching his food intake etc and generally really taking care of himself. To cut a long story short (er), he was accused of taking drugs in a nightclub recently and thrown out. It transpired that he WAS actually mistaken for someone else but he now thinks that everyone thinks he is taking drugs. His girlfriend finished with him as she was "embarrassed" to be associated with him and he is heartbroken. He went to the doctors with a friend and was given anti-depressants and last week when I went to work in the morning, he took all of the pills. He was not admitted to hospital but slept for the best part of 2 days. He will not come out of his room, his room is like a pigsty. He refuses to talk to me but fortunately he managed to get out on Friday night with one of his good friends for a couple of hours. I am gutted that he put his best friend down as his next of kin and not me. We have been together for his 20 years of being here. His dad left me when I was 6 months pregnant and we have never seen him since. I have worked full-time since I was 16 so working all the time to get extra money to make sure my son never missed out was something that never bothered me.
I am not perfect but I have tried my hardest to be a good mum but the fact that he doesn't ever want to talk to me is heartbreaking. I have given him his space for now but the house is very quiet and I feel really alone. I don't have the support of my family and I have never really had what you could call "real friends". I have spoken to my boss in work and although she is understanding she doesn't have kids and her answer is that he is just lazy and I "need to kick him out!!". This will not happen!!.. So I feel that I can no longer speak to her. I was told as well that the blame should lie with me also as I AM his mother and this is not normal behaviour for a 20 year old lad. I have been called "stupid" because I am "willing to put up with his crap".
I cant stop crying because I feel that it IS and MUST be my fault or why else is he like this. I know he is not a wee boy anymore but the fact that someone else thinks this is my doing is getting too much. Some days I just don't want to waken up in the morning but I don't know what to do anymore. Its all getting too much!!. Even typing this, he is in bed. I was told as well that I am also entitled to a life and that I am a silly woman who is going to allow someone to spoil a good life that I could be having. Even when I feel the slightest smile coming to my lips I feel guilty. If its my fault my son is as unhappy as he is then why should I be happy?
I am hoping that maybe if I don't talk to him and just give him his space then maybe he will come round in his own time. I don't even know if this is the right thing to do either..??
Help... XXX

Posts: 11
Joined: Sun May 12, 2019 10:40 am

Re: Desperate for advice....

Postby supersonic » Sun Nov 03, 2019 2:34 pm

Hi 123breathe You will need to get professional help with this It is NOT your fault your son is behaving like this. There are many ways you can get help just check on the net Mind is one you can try You have done really well for your son Please get the help you deserve.Any chance he would go to the doctors with you?

Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:32 pm

Re: Desperate for advice....

Postby 123breathe » Sun Nov 03, 2019 2:55 pm

He wouldn't go to the doctor with me and was even annoyed at his friend for telling me that he had gone to the doctor with her!

I know how much it hurts when you have been in a relationship with someone and then they end it. I think he is really devastated that she did not stand by and support him but chose to use it as an excuse to end things. Apparently, he contacted her before going to the doctor to see if she would at least sit down and speak with him but she didn't want to know.

I would love to sit down and have a chat with him or go and support him while he speaks to a professional but its as if he has totally shut me out. I know I cant make him speak to me if he doesn't want to, so I have been "advised" to just give him his space, stick it out in the hope that he will come to me when he is ready.??

It just feels so hopeless. If I had someone on MY side then I would be able to cope with it better but I feel so isolated and am starting to make errors at work. People have noticed that I am not myself and my boss says I have a "sad" look about me all the time now. I am worrying now that I am causing an atmosphere in work but I cant turn on happy. On the outside I probably look fine but on the inside I am in bits.

I have reached the stage where I am just glad he is at home and safe. He can stay here for as long as he wants, he can eat the food that I provide but I do draw the line at giving him money. I hope this passes soon. XXX

PS Thank you for your post. It is much appreciated!! XXXX

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