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Newbie in need of a vent

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lr657
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 18, 2019 1:54 pm

Newbie in need of a vent

Postby lr657 » Mon Sep 23, 2019 1:46 pm

I’m not even sure what bearing all on here will achieve, just need an outlet badly as don’t feel wife, family or friends can help

So I turned 40 3 months ago, and all I have to show for that is fact I have barely been out of work since being 18 and that I am married (debatable on happily married)

My ambitions are simple that I want a house and a family, that’s all I have ever wanted, career wise been in clerk and supervisor roles, am happy at clerk level and have no ambitions to move on up the ranks now, but having just turned 40 have that feeling I’ve failed miserably in life as my plans are probably not going to happen for at least another year or 2 or maybe never will

My overwhelming want is for children, I have a desire to be the father my biological dad never was with me, cut ties with him in 2003, should have been 1987 when he left my mum to be honest (just another regret) he’s never been a father to me and I want to be everything he wasn’t but fear never getting the chance

When me and wife got married 5 years ago (been together nearly 10 in total) I was believing the family would follow, but no, she wanted to go to uni/college (3 years in total) to get career in hospitals job of which she started this month so obviously plans on hold, that’s before she has to be in job 6 months to a year to get maternity yet shes already stating she may leave job in future and go elsewhere – she has said she wants children but I am unsure I believe her, shes previously made comments like “if you wanted children younger you should have got with a scrag on benefits” or has talked about adoption

As for house well in my younger days wasn’t sensible with money one of many regrets I have so only hope of us buying is inheritance out of my late nan’s house being sold but selling proving tricky due to underpinning on the house (been on market for a year)

The real crux of all this is I have depression, have had prob since childhood/teens, been on medication twice but am no on it now (and frankly don’t want to be) so there are times when the success of others in the above fields doesn’t bother me, but times like now where I am feeling really jealous of such people especially people close to home like brother in law and wife who have had little one in last couple of years already had their own place and are now upgrading to bigger place

But my jealousy is on a number of things like

People who don’t have to wear glasses or contact lenses (I wear glasses all time and can’t get on with contacts)
People who have a cat/cats as pets (we had one once but got rid of her for various reasons)
Guys who have partners who dress in skimpy clothing/bikini’s/underwear (my wifes idea of that is to wear colour black on rare occasions – shes a bit of a plain jane big pants etc – and yes did know that when we met so its purely my problem)
People who go on holiday and enjoy themselves (we went away for a week somewhere sunny recently and spent 80% of it indoors – partly down to wife needing relax before job and after uni but partly coz she can’t stand being in sun for ages)
Guys who were super successful on lady front, I never was and prob never have been was practically a virgin until me and the wife met when I was 30 and our sex life now isn’t great unlike lots of other couples
Cheats who prosper I know a few who have cheated and either not been caught or have been caught and forgiven, or caught and benefitted from splitting – cheating goes against everything I stand for but whats the point when they prosper
Guys who are muscular or well toned, I have this month re-joined gym and started going 3 or 4 times a week, granted I have never been into the super muscles but perhaps I should have been

So when on downer’s like now make comparisons against a lot of people and naturally they don’t work out favourably

If I could sacrifice my life now to live one again I totally would – quite a dramatic statement but its how I feel

Not sure if its down to turning 40 that has aggravated it again? Plus feeling that if me and wife did go separate ways I would never find anyone else so am just hoping it all goes to plan in the end

Plus a lot of stuff I see on social media aggravates it, although its my way of keeping in touch with people

I guess that will do, could go on forever to be honest but I’ll leave it there, grateful for any advice

bigmatt
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:04 am

Re: Newbie in need of a vent

Postby bigmatt » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:46 am

I suffer with a few issues
Firstly I just turned 40
I’ve had borderline personality disorder since I look back at everything I’ve wrecked in my life
PTSD and schizophrenia
I started removing negative from my life
Due to my extremism that was family memebers. Social media. There was such a list and it took me over 5 years.

Abusive relationships were ended. And I found my new wife.

I still suffer very much. But as soon as I think negative. I remove and try find positives.

This is my coping mechanism. I’ve been through drs and been through the mill trust me. And I still fall over. But not as much and not as bad.

Now I I can deal with it I choose to reject

simonsanenow
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Sep 27, 2019 5:04 pm

Re: Newbie in need of a vent

Postby simonsanenow » Fri Sep 27, 2019 6:08 pm

IR657,
If your not happy in your marriage, get the fuck out! So your plans haven't really failed, have they? They just take time. If you want kids (and they will make you happy) find someone else, it doesn't look like she makes you happy. Is that what you wanted to hear?

rsxo
Posts: 1327
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Newbie in need of a vent

Postby rsxo » Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:14 am

Welcome!x
RSxo <3


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