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I am a stalker

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Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 21, 2019 6:12 pm

I am a stalker

Postby sadbitterimbecile » Tue May 21, 2019 6:14 pm

Im not sure who I speak to about this but I feel
I need urgent psychological help. This is very
embarrassing to admit but I cannot control my
compulsion to stalk and harass my ex. I am unable
to go about my daily life. It has now got to the point
where I am thinking of harming him. I am socially
and have two children. I have struggled financially
being a student for the last 3 years. The person
I am stalking I have been in a relationship with on
and off
for 3 years. It ended 10 days ago. He made me feel
worthless throughout the relationship. But I always
went back to him, begging him back, stalking him
in chatrooms and making a fool of myself. I would
do vengeful things and became obsessed with hurting
him. I scraped an explicit message on his car
ruining the bodywork, I have cut up and burned
his clothes..all because I can't handle the
rejection. He is much older than me, he is 47
and I am 25. My family do not approve of the
relationship. He grew close to my daughter who is 6
and now says he wants nothing to do with us and to
move on. I have been depressed since 2015 when
I split up with my childrens dad. He was emotionally,
mentally, financially and physically abusive. This
I feel is probably a contributing factor to the
way I am now. I was 16 when I met my childrens dad,
he was 26. Yet another older man. I felt unaffected
by this split however, and have only realised over
the past 2 years or so that the pattern of my
behaviour is mirroring that of my ex. I detest
what I have become, I feel like a horrible mother
and an abuser. I cannot eat, sleep, wash myself,
do dishes or hoover or any simple task. I should be
applying for jobs and looking forward to graduating
but instead I am miserable, compulsively stalking
my ex. Creating multiple fake tinder accounts and
creating fake phone numbers and facebook accounts to
thwart off potential suitors.Yesterday, I maxed out
his voicemails on both his house phone and mobile
phone. He keeps threatening to phone the police on
me and I am worried if I continue he will...I have
2 children to think of and my future job prospects
could be ruined if I don't stop this. I am
listening to hypnotherapy at night to get over him,
I feel like I hate him and I am so full of
vengance and wanting to destroy him and make sure
he will never date again. As I said,
I am embarrassed to be writing this but all I can
find online is information for victims of stalking.
I don't know if there is any help out there for
abusers like me. I need to be stopped before I ruin
my future. Please help me.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 1:31 pm

Re: I am a stalker

Postby blueberryblue » Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:25 pm

You need to start looking after yourself and liking yourself. You can turn this around but only you - take control, start obsessing about how to fix yourself - get dressed, go to the doctors and then go for a run / long walk and breathe. Focus on you now.

Posts: 155
Joined: Thu May 16, 2019 3:35 pm
Location: Coventry

Re: I am a stalker

Postby hyster » Mon Jun 03, 2019 4:31 pm

i would go to the docs ASAP and tell them ur so scared of ur behavior and need urgent help.
there maybe a med that he could give u short term, but hopefully will send u to see a psychologist straight away.

its not just u but also ur kids u have to consider !!

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