I’m sorry this post is so long, but please read it.
I’m in my final year of sixth form and I’ve been struggling mentally for a while. I’ve spoken quite a lot to a teacher that I trust, but I don’t necessarily think it’s enough. And I know that other teachers who are helpful and trustworthy and I’m relatively close to have noticed things have been ‘off’ with me and they’ve made it clear that I can talk to them too.
Recently, I’ve been trying to dig deep within myself to fully understand what I feel and why. I’ve wrote quite a few pages about different things and I’m considering whether or not I should give these pages to the two main teachers that I trust. I don’t want it to seem weird, but I just feel like if I do this, then nothing remains hidden that I have to suffer with alone and sometimes when I talk about things in person I keep some things bottled up, because I’m too awkward to say them. But by doing this then it’s the complete truth and I won’t forget to share anything like I usually would in conversation.
And I’ve had quite a hard and not ‘normal’ life so far and every year something quite difficult has happened and I feel like I’m reaching my capacity and I need to focus on my exams, so I don’t want this stress still on my back. I’ve also reaslied that I might be feeling worse and struggling more recently, because it might be myself telling me that I’m ready to heal. And I’ve also noticed that when I’ve spoken about stuff before, that I feel stronger afterwards.
So I don’t know whether it would be a good idea to give the pages that I’ve written to these teachers, just so that the whole truth and all of my feelings are out and they can decide where they take it from there. However, I’m scared to do it, because I don’t want it to seem stupid or pathetic. And I’m scared that they might want to take things further and maybe tell my family and I don’t want them to find out. But I am 18, so surely it would be my choice and I’m sure they’d listen if I said not to.
I just feel like I need to heal and I need to do something just for me, to help me and not to keep the truth bottled up. I just really don’t want to come across as seeming stupid, or for me to regret it in anyway. So please give me honest opinions and advice. Do you think I should do it or not? Or does anyone have any better ideas?