Hi Gary and jk it was nice of you to reply to my post, I was in so much mental agony, I don't know how I got the words out to express myself. I decided to take myself to a church service after I wrote my post, I'm so glad I did. It helped to distract my mind. I'm going to ask if I can volunteer there. I haven't been able to access support face to face for a lot of months, my life has been going in a downward spiral. I hope with joining this support forum I can find a stable base to go forwards and be able to bear my days again.