Hi and welcome!
Interested, sminterested. Tell your story if you feel like it. Post whatever you like. If it rings a bell with someone, they are likely to reply. This place is relatively quiet for the internet so don't be disappointed when replies take time. On the other hand, the peeps who do congregate here are all nice people, another internet rarity
I agree with your wife on the like minded people front. Both this place and real life mutual support groups have been a tremendous help for me.
BTW. I'd be surprised if ceasing SSRIs didn't have some pretty odd effects in the short / medium term. Why did you stop taking them?
Thank you for reading and replying to my message. It meant a lot to me to see a reply.
I had been on a low dose of Sertraline and Propanalol when required. In a review at the end of October I thought I was doing ok, and I didn't feel the medication made much difference. So we (GP and myself) agreed I'd stop.
My primary obsession over the years has been health anxiety. My dad died of cancer in 1998. The symptoms were non specific over three months in 1997. Then he got a diagnosis on New Years Eve 1997, and died 18 days later. Ever since then (on and off) I've been obsessed that the same fate will happen to me, or some other catastrophic event. I ruminate about so many different things, mostly completely irrational and quite frankly embarrassing. I see things in the media and imagine things happening to me that will end up with me be left alone living in a cold room.
Which brings me to this episode. Last October I had a fairly minor (but painful) medical incident. As a result I had a scan, which diagnosed the problem there and then. Then out of no where I got a letter asking me to come for a further investigation due to an "incidental observation". Again, this proved to be nothing. But if you lay the description of the two paragraphs above together, and understand the context of my problems you'll see this was a perfect storm for someone like me. End to end I had about 6-8 weeks of waiting and ruminating. "What if its this, what if its that" As a result I don't seem to be able to come "down" so to speak. When I described to my wife how I felt I said its like I have gone to the edge of a metaphorical cliff and got the feeling in you tummy when you are scared. And I cant seem to walk backwards away from the cliff. Its almost like I look for a reason to stay at the edge of the cliff.
I don't do Christmas holidays well. I need a routine to keep me going. Also I'm a clever person, I'm a software engineer (thank fully my issues don't affect my work) , and my wife thinks because of this I feel I have to find a solution to everything.
I do try and help myself. I read self help, and I run a fair bit and try hard to keep busy. But sometimes the dog sits directly on my chest and wont let me get up no matter how hard I try.
Maybe someone will read this and relate / offer some tips I've not read.