Hi coleb, welcome.
I am also new to using forums and I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now, but others are right in what they write, this low point in your life will pass. Maybe picking up the phone and talking to the samaritans will help in the moments when feel the urge to harm yourself freephone: 116 123 email: email@example.com
I know from my current experience that it can take a while to get the right help put in place, but knowing I am working towards finding solutions rather than being stuck in the problem gives me something positive to focus on.
Try to give yourself a break and be kind to yourself by doing some simple practical things to take care of yourself physically.
Please keep talking and posting, you are not alone