Im feeling so so down and upset and I have no idea why, there really isnt any reason. I feel sick inside, i feel so useless and something inside me just feels so wrong, its so wrong going anywhere and being with anyone and just being with myself is the truth I think. I dont want to be with myself but i dont want to be with others either, i smile but i feel terrible, I randomly burst into tears, and no matter how much I search my head for why im crying, i have no grounds to stand on...literally i should and am so ashamed and guilty of feeling this way.
I used to self harm, and the thoughts of that are repetitive in my head, other thoughts too. I can never tell when something is going to happen as when im so emotional or ive been upset by something/someone then I have always tended to act on impulse
I mentioned very breifly to my care-co about some of these feelings and thoughts. She told me to get in contact with her if I feel this way again. I just dont know. I rang today because i was a crying mess and was totally alone so no-one could hear me. I didnt get a call back, in a way im pleased, because I feel stupid for all of this, the very fact i dont even know why i feel so bad. i have to see another professional 2moro, Ive no idea she doesnt really deal with mental health but does know my care-co. Im scared if she asks too many questions. Im scared of how to say how I feel etc because I dont know how they would respond, i dont know if they have confidentiality and everything would be ok. not that it is at all.