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I don’t know what to do

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h3lp
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:43 am

I don’t know what to do

Postby h3lp » Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:59 am

Thank you for reading this. I am so lost right now.

I have been in a rocky relationship for 13 years, I am early 30s. I met a man and gave him my all never getting anything back seriously nothing! We had a child, he continued his life in his world with his friends, prositutes and in general chasing anything he could. I have always worked and been broke because honestly he can budget nothing and buys stupid things without even asking me. Throws money for birthday presents he has got me back in my face etc.

I left him for 2 years as he had another affair but this one was really bad like we could have gone to prison bad. Who would have looked after our child?

My mother no longer talks to me for the past 6 years, I have no friends, I am emotional, angry, exhausted.

I have tried to kill myself more than once it never works. Stabbed myself, threw myself in front of a car, overdose the lot. Nothing works.

I’m tired of feeling angry, used, like I don’t matter. My husband rarely speaks to me is more interested in YouTube or computers.

The sex is disgusting as he treats me like a porn star spits in my mouth and makes me feel sick to the stage I have to push him off me.

I don’t no what to do. I want my marriage to work. He always supports everyone but me. His family who have left me homeless, ripped photos out of my wedding album, stole money from me and put me down to my child come first to him. His work friends he has known for a very short time are always put before me.

I am suffering, my daughter is suffering. Do I leave him again? I just can’t cope anymore.

The pressure of life is killing me, I haven’t slept for days I can’t eat and am just always on the verge of tears or so angry everyone thinks I am a total headcase.

I have lost everything because of this my good paying job, house and car. Material stuff but my child depended on this day to day to pay bills, get her to school and for her mother to be proud to raise her. I now work like a dog for minimum wage, look awful all the time and just hate everything. My husband is so happy he loves his job was this because he was seeing someone at work? Because he still earns ok wages? He has friends? Is it because Work takes him away from my miserable self he prefers it over me?

Nobody respects me seriously nobody I don’t get mother’s day cards, my brothers girlfriend stole me a dressing gown from a supermarket for Christmas so she could buy weed!! My husbands gift is thrown in my face everyday it cost £300. I have no one to talk to, no one that cares everyone is always wrapped in their lives just conning someone out of something.

I would do or give anyone anything I could. I don’t no what to do to get through this time.

I’m typing this with a broken left elbow and a fractured right hand due to loosing control falling to floor and just using it to beat myself up. Is it time I go to a bad area start something and literally let them beat me till I’m dead.

mihaela
Posts: 1071
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby mihaela » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:08 am

Hi and welcome! :)

I feel so upset, angry and frustrated to hear what you're going through. :cry: You MUST escape from this man who clearly has a hold over you - not just for your own sake but for your daughter's. He's just using you and sounds totally irresponsible. No wonder you're emotional, angry and exhausted and have been suicidal! (I have too in the past). You say you have no friends. Well, you have me now, and I won't let you down in helping you become free again. If you want, you can contact me on lamposatmaildotmd any time, and I'll get back to you. (I may be able to help you in practical ways).

What you said about him seeing prostitutes and yet using you as well sickened me. You're not an object to be used to satisfy his lust. Better to have no sex at all than to endure the treatment he forces upon you - with the real risk of contracting STD's too. I don't believe your marriage can possibly work with a man who is so selfish and uncaring. Far better to live alone with your daughter.

I am suffering, my daughter is suffering.


Yes, she is! And you mustn't allow that to continue.

Do I leave him again? I just can’t cope anymore.


You must, or you'll have a breakdown or worse. If that happened you'd be no good for your daughter and you'd lose her. She needs you.

The pressure of life is killing me, I haven’t slept for days I can’t eat and am just always on the verge of tears or so angry everyone thinks I am a total headcase.


I don't care what they think. They're clearly doing nothing to help you. Of course you're on the verge of tears and angry. Can't they see why? If I can, why can't they? Don't worry about why your husband loves his job. He doesn't love you - or his daughter - or he wouldn't be behaving the way he does.

Nobody respects me seriously... I have no one to talk to, no one that cares everyone is always wrapped in their lives just conning someone out of something.


I respect you. It sounds as if you have a rotten, useless family to match your rotten, useless husband. Not your fault - we can't choose our families, and we don't really get to know our partners until we start living with them. You're too good for them all, and you have values that stop you being dragged down to their level. I'd normally suggest marriage counselling, but your situation seems too extreme for that, and I doubt that such a man would co-operate.

I feel so very, very sorry for you. ((hugs)) xx

h3lp
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:43 am

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby h3lp » Mon Mar 19, 2018 8:49 am

Hi Mihaela

Thank you for writing back to me it means everything.

I have ended up going sick today at work, I fell asleep about 6:30 am and just cannot face the thought of that today. Again I have made up alie about child being sick rather than just admit ‘hey I can’t face this shit today or any other day’!

Deep down what hurt mists is that I no we shouldn’t be together I don’t no what I am holding on for. I don’t no why after 2 years of mr finally leaving him and dealing with things in my own way I let him back in.

Apart from my Father my family are very self obsessed, love money and in general will do what ever pleases them. They normally call and ask me to take them places or to do things for them partically lend money which over the past weeks I have completely stopped because I have had enough. Money got bad so my phone got off and guess what no one has called me. My Father has but I feel like a such a disappointment I just tell him what he needs to hear and never ever speak about my feelings. He knows what life is like with my mother and some family but has no idea at all about Home and Work.

When my Mother and I were falling out I told her that I thought I was having a breakdown her reply was ‘good, your emails are better than eastenders - you have all my friends amused’. We fell out because I told her her new boyfriend could not sit at the headtabke at my wedding.... after the crap that came with that I told her he wasn’t welcome at all. She decided not to come and to throw my husband daughter and I out of her property that I was paying rent to live in. She Lives in China.... since then she told my family loads of stories so I have haven’t heard from half of them anyway.

I feel so confused because I can’t cry or get upset. I have no feelings like one minute I’m down in the next breath I feel like I’m putting on a show and should ‘snap out of it’

I have been reading about bipolar and if my husband could be the trigger but am I just looking for more excuses?

X

Isap
Posts: 1843
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby Isap » Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:07 pm

Hi there

Please take Michael's excellent advice and leave that pig husband of yours. Life can only improve but it will be a gradual process.

You deserve far better than the people around you. I guess you are of Chinese descent and understand their money culture. Even if I'm wrong it makes no difference, you have a lousy family and none of it is your fault.

Good luck

Isap x

vitasw
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:09 pm

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby vitasw » Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:53 pm

Hi h3lp

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I've copied this info from Refuge (a women's charity) in case it's of use to you

"Domestic violence describes any violence or abuse that is used by someone to control or obtain power over their partner. It can include physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, emotional and financial abuse. If you alter your behaviour because you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused.

Many women experience domestic violence and other forms of abuse without ever being physically abused. Remember: non-physical forms of abuse can be as destructive and as undermining as physical violence."

24-hour National Domestic Violence
Freephone Helpline - 0808 2000 247

If you are feeling suicidal again, please reach out for help. You can call Samaritans 116 123 (UK), NHS Direct 111 or go to your local A&E

All the best,

V

h3lp
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:43 am

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby h3lp » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:43 pm

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

I am going to talk to my husband tonight about possible marriage counselling if he speaks to me.

I would like my marriage to work for my child and also my own sanity.

As for my family everyday gets easier to cope without them.

mihaela
Posts: 1071
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby mihaela » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:38 am

Let us know how you got on.

If he agreed that would be such a big step forward :)

h3lp
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:43 am

Re: I don’t know what to do

Postby h3lp » Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:38 pm

Thank you


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