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Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:11 pm


Postby traindriverlewis » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:49 pm


I'm Lewis and I'm 30 years old, I'm a trainee train driver, married to the girl I have been with since we were 15/16 and now have 2 beautiful children and live a pretty awesome life, BUT for the last 6 months have been having times of feeling pretty low and dark.

I feel different things quite often but main things for me is I get panicky, and I get like a tingly feeling down my arms, its quite strange.

I constantly feel like something bad is going to happen, be it war or natural disaster (I'm constantly thinking about what I would do in these situations), sometimes saying good bye to the family in the mornings feels like its going to be the last time I'm ever going to see them.

I have horrific dreams and nightmares that can affect me for days on end, and leave me feeling weak and tired.

I get very angry to the point I feel like my skin is on fire, especially when I am on the road and say, being badly tailgated. I have (not proud of this at all btw) stopped in the middle of the road and got out the car several times, although I haven't ever hurt anyone or even got into any physical altercations with anyone its always on the back on my mind and I feel terrible afterwards. I feel like I get much angrier in these situations when the kids are in the car, I guess its over active protective emotions kicking in, I find that the people doing the tail gating or cutting up aren't just threatening me they are threatening my children (if that makes sense)

I find myself sometimes scared of the dark when I never used to be at all.

I HATE being away from my wife and kids for anything longer than the working day.

This all started (this time round) after a pretty big argument with my wife and I was pretty sure I was going to loose them all and it would of been my fault and it was a stupid argument of essentially nothing important that I wouldn't let go, and I have been suffering with my self ever since.

I have been like this before, but in a different way and I didn't think I would ever end up like it again.

After my daughter was born (1st) we were at a family dinner and i choked really badly on a piece of chicken had the whole fading light tunnel thing and it scared me, a few weeks later I had what I thought was a heart attack (at this time I owned a business with my father and we had just had a meeting about life and the company) I felt it come over me like a wave and I collapsed on the floor and my staff called 999, turned out all the obs were fine and they put it down to a panic attack, to many energy drinks (used for my MMA training) and stress.

I spent the best part of 2-3 weeks in bed, couldn't get up, felt like I had really bad flu. Scared to go outside, and terrified when my wife left me alone and cried all the time. This was the turning point for me, move house, finally got the courage to leave the family business and pursue the career I wanted and I felt great, enjoyed my new home and new job and most importantly my new daughter, we went on to have our second child my son.

I have a pretty dark childhood, I have always felt that my life didn't really begin until I was 13, and although I feel I am over my past I'm wondering if when something negative happens to me I get worked up, angry and then shut down?

I'm sorry for the long post and I do feel silly sometimes that I feel this way, because from the outside (I mean not knowing my past etc) it looks like I have the ideal life, and I know I do.

I have a beautiful wife that has stuck with me through thick and thin, I thought when we were 16/17 and I told her about my past that she would run a mile but she didn't, she is my rock and my constant but I fear I may be affecting her now? I have the two most gorgeous children, I have finally landed my dream job that I am half way through the training of, and we have a great life travelling around all the country's theme parks. I also have a great - ish relationship with my dad and we have a boat together with my brother.

but all of this doesn't stop the fact that I have these feelings in the background that are intruding on my life and that I really want to get rid of.

again I'm sorry for the long post but even writing this has helped a little, feeling low is the loneliest place in the world and its soo easy to start feeling that there is something really wrong and getting scared of getting worse.

thanks everyone in advance.

Posts: 364
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Re: Hello.....

Postby breatheinandout » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:18 pm

Hi there Lewis,
How are you doing? Sorry for not replying earlier - this forum can be quiet. I haven't been online for a while and just saw your message.

I'm really glad you felt better writing it all down - it can really help to get your head around things can't it? I'd recommend you doing to see your GP for a chat - you are not silly feeling the way you do. It is human. And you are not alone. I hope you see that there is nothing to be embarrassed about, it is ok to ask for help and your GP will have heard it all before.

I hope this has helped a bit. Do come back on the forum and tell us how your doing.

Take care
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

Posts: 1840
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Hello.....

Postby deb1960 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:51 pm

Hi Lewis

As Breathe says, you should definitely see your doctor. Your symptoms are typical in anxiety and the doctor will be able to advise you.

You can have a perfect life and have mental health problems. My life is good yet my illness comes and goes for no apparent reason.

Take care, Deb x

Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 6:47 pm

Re: Hello.....

Postby cat10 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:21 pm

Hi, I'm Cat
I'm 50 years old and just facing lifelong issues that thought id hidden. Well turns out I'm not that good at hiding things. Been through two marraiges and on third.Which is why I'm here, really need to get sorted or could lose it all.
Having been in care from the ag of three, and then collected by my parents was sexually abused by my father.This was eventually found out when I was seven, and he was abusing my friends too.
So lwokeup the next morning I dong story short mum found out they divorced. My mum adored my dad and never remarried.
Alcohol became my way of coping, I got buried underneath emotionally and this other person took over,all mouth and trousers and got me into all sorts of trouble .When I literally hid under the covers in shame.Didnt know what id done, to myself or anyone else. So this has been my life up till now, ive sorted out the lows in my life, just need to sort out the rebounding highs and all that shit. GP next Weds I think I'm going to be so embarrassed and tongue tied. Any how that's mex

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