Hi! My story is a bit of an interesting one.
Imagine being depressed for most if your life (I'm 26 now, and I know I've at least been depressed by age 7), but not knowing it. Thinking this giant pit in your soul was normal, and you were weak for not being able to deal with it? Imagine having intense emotional numbness for this entire time, to the point where you flat out forgot what happiness was? Where you thought sadness *was* happiness. Imagine outright hating yourself for this entire time. Then.... you realize it's not all your fault. It's not normal. Something is wrong. Then imagine the one person that showed you all this, the one person who you could trust, turned her back on you, then blamed you for her own depression. And that being the only person you've ever truly loved. Imagine not being able to tell your mom, because she threatens to call 911 over me just feeling a bit down. And your dad being distant. My only real escape is video games. The one thing I can almost say I dont objectively suck at. And imagine being emotionally manipulated by your mother and essentially ignored by your father. And just not fitting in with your entire family.
This... is what I've been going through my entire life. I'm done feeling this horrible, empty pit. But aside from gaming, I've got nothing else to fill it with. I hate myself still. Cant crawl out of this pit. To top it off, I'm autistic. Asperger's, to be more specific. I dont make friends easy. And I'm very cautious about it, too.... because that one friend I had? It destroyed me when she left. Still hurts, and that was a year ago. I cant really go through that again. I was in a stronger place then than I am now. I cant imagine what another round would do to me now. Essentially I'm in a position where progress scares me, and hurts from memories. Sliding slowly backwards day by day. And that's just my personal life. Work is complete anti-employee crap. I cant get out. Feel like a failure 24/7. Not appreciated. Another guy here with depression gets preferential treatment. No one seems to care about me or how I feel. Story of my life I guess.