Trigger alert, so please don't read on if you are easily upset...
I start counselling for complex PTSD in July for, as the name suggests, complex reasons.
My childhood was traumatic, school sucked huge time coz additional learning needs like the adhd I got were punished, not helped, back in the day, I drank stollen booze pretty heavily from an early age, and I ran from home many a time only for PC Plod to drag me back home for even more kickings...
In my teenage years I hit puberty pretty early on and it was a rough ride for me... I suffered abuse, verbal and physical from my birth father, sexual from my pervy Uncle and almost raped at 15 by the boy next door, and I eventually came to realise I am bi-sexual and found it difficult as there was nobody to speak to about that at the time,
my married years I was gas lighted and culturally controlled and surpressed by my Hubbys family values, I was isolated, kept from doing the things I most enjoyed, controlled by finances, told what to wear and how to have my hair, who I could talk to and so on... for 40 years.
I had to undergo genetic counselling due to hubbys family disorders, suffered miscarriages and fretted over possible terminations, my kids had health issues which included bone disease requiring surgery, I had to undergo hysterectomy for damage done during labour that was negligently mis-managed, all of which tipped me over the edge a few times,
I nursed several poorly rellies to their ends and found funerals almost a regular occurance over the last decade having said farewell to 14 family members and close friends for one reason and another including my 14 year old neice and said Hubby of 40 years.
But, I still have a sense of humour, I'm not completely broken yet, I still love to support those who need it and I'm still giving life pretty full welly. I am doing good, considering. Nice when you can retain the will despite it all. Now if I can just overcome this flippin agoraphobia, it'll all be better!