Have just joined this site after searching net about depression and came across your post which clicked with me in so many ways, not the same - but many similar points.
I suffer from sleep problems most of my life, and if it's one thing that I am constantly aware of.
Getting twisted on whatever you take, is fine you will comatose yourself to sleep, but the moment we all wake up, the bad world more often than not, rears its ugly head and you are instantly wide awake, angry, frustrated, depressed again.
It's irrelevant what drugs you take, the mind is so powerful it will override anything really , no matter what or how strong it is.
Don't get too hung up on the sleep thing, if you are happy you can survive on little sleep, still function normally , its only when you feel down the lack of sleep becomes a major obstacle that you use to blame everything on, and the frustration of not being able to sleep snowballs and winds you up even more till, I personally get angry with myself , and will never sleep then!
I have tired Alcohol, weed, sleeping pills and the like , and none of them work ,the thing for me that works is reading a decent book!
If I wake up I just pick it up and start reading instantly- don't even sit there for 30 seconds to dwell on anything , don't give my mind ANYTIME to go down that route, and more often than not will get into the story- then next thing I know I feel tired and go to sleep.
Not saying that will work for you, but if you have something like a hobby /pastime/ interest that you can feasibly do in the early hours as soon as you get up ,might be worth a try.
I think the only reason I don't top myself is because my Mother , it would kill her, and I love her too much.
So not saying you have not got someone in your life like that, but as you don't mention it I presumed (sorry if wrong).
You have a job, yes you struggle, but you have still got it, even if you lose it , lots of people cannot be bothered to even work that are not depressed, just wanting to hold a job down makes you a person that clearly has some dignity in yourself and still has values, as you would not care.
you have admitted to yourself you have a mental mind problem - lots of people cannot even get that far they are in denial or blame everything else.
You have tried the majority of therapies' offered to you with hope, lots of people are too cynical or think everyone else or the world is at fault and won't even consider any alternatives to their way of thinking.
Frightened of being sectioned , I can relate to that totally, my hobby is shooting (not living things) so you can imagine what my GP would think if I told him some of my thoughts I get!
But remember they are only thoughts everyone has them - most just don't admit, and a very small percentage will ultimately act on them.
You have lost many friends by letting go of them , but have the capacity to make them - you therefore cannot be an awful person - you must have some qualities to attract them!
Your post has inspired me to make an appoint with the Doc, resistance is futile!
I cannot fight it myself after 30 years of trying - you are not a weak person you have survived this long - the Doctors try , but the mind is so different from one person to the next, it will always be a battle until something clicks within you.
But your post shows to me you have all the right ingredients to make that happen , it's just a question of mixing it up right .
It Will come - just don't give up on yourself yet- you have obviously journeyed this far by your determination to succeed in wanting a better life that is an admirable quality.
It sometimes feels like the world and everyone in it, is against you, but the fact i have bothered to write this - even if it means nothing to you, means some people can realate to what you are feeling - and even though i know zilch about you - dont want you to give up......
I know it's a cliché when people say look at the positives you have, but I think you have survived on your own better than I ever could- so your stronger than me, thus stronger than you think.
Sincerely me x.